"Ukukhula akusho lutho kumama. Ingane ingumntwana, ikhula, ikhulile, kodwa ikhulile? Ngabe lokho kusho ukuthini? Inhliziyo yami akusho lutho." - Kusukela othandweni, nguToni Morrison
Ubuhlobo bomamazala bangathola wonke ucindezeli, namahlaya, kodwa ukuxabana komama-indodakazi kuvamile kakhulu. Izikhathi eziningi impande yempikiswano ingumama onhliziyo yakhe engazi ukuthi indodakazi "ikhule." Uma umama ehluleka ukuvuma ukuthi indodakazi yakhe ikhulile, umndeni ungase uvele.
Imikhakha yemindeni engakalungiswa ingaholela kubagogo nomkhulu lapho behlukaniswa nabazukulu babo, lapho izingane zizalwa. Ukugwema izingxabano cishe njalo kungcono kunokulungisa. Ukuqonda ezinye zezimbangela ezivamile zokuxabana yisinyathelo sokuqala.
Ukuhamba Ngeziqondiso Ezihlukahlukene
Inkinga: Indodakazi endala idlulela ekuzimele; ngakho-ke inhlangano eyinhloko ingekho kumama. Ngezinye izikhathi umama ubhekana nalokhu njengokulahlekelwa futhi wenza imizamo yokudonsa indodakazi yakhe. Uma ezama ukugcina uxhumano lwenkosikazi luphila, umama angase abuze imibuzo leyo indodakazi ibona njengenhlamba, noma iseluleko, okuyinto indodakazi ehumusha njengokuphazamisa. U-Deborah Tannen, umbhali wezincwadi eziningi eziphathelene nomndeni, uthi, "Amantombazane anikezwa ngokweqile okwenziwe ngcono kwamantombazane kanye namantombazane, 'indodakazi yomama ubuhlobo obunobungozi obukhulu."
Isixazululo: Uma kunokwenzeka, omama kufanele bakhulume ukuzethemba ekukhetheni kwentombazane yabo.
Lesi yisinyathelo esinzima sabomama ngezizathu eziningana. Okokuqala, kunzima ukuyeka ukukholelwa ukuthi umama uyazi kangcono. Eqinisweni, omama abathembekile ngokwabo bayavuma ukuthi baye bephutha ngezikhathi eziningi. Okwesibili, iningi labomama liyizinsizakalo zezinselelo, futhi kunzima ngabo ukumelana nomfutho wokuzwakala i-alamu ngezinye zezinto ezibucayi abacabanga ukuthi zenzeka.
Eqinisweni, ayikho indlela yokuba omama noma omunye umuntu ahlasele amalungu omndeni ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi inhlekelele. Ukuphila kuyindlela yokuthatha ingozi. Nakuba umuntu engazange aqiniseke izingozi ezingenangqondo, omama abahlale bexwayisa ngenhlekelele esondelayo bayamanga. Futhi azijabulisi kakhulu ukuba zizungeze.
Ukuxhunyaniswa ngaphandle
Inkinga: Ubuhlobo besifazane buvame ukugxila kakhulu ekukhulumeni, okungafani nobuhlobo besilisa, okuvame ukuhlanganisa ukuxhumana okungenamazwi futhi kuvame ukuchazwa ngemisebenzi eyabelwe. Ubudlelwane obusekelwe ngokuyinhloko ekukhulumeni buya ezinkingeni ngokushesha noma kamuva; kuyimvelo yomuntu ukusho okuthile okungafanele kudingeke. "Abesifazane bathambekele ekukhulumeni okunye futhi bakhulume ngezihloko zabo siqu, ngakho lokhu kusinika ithuba lokukhuluma into engalungile," kusho uTannen.
Isixazululo: Abanye basikisela ukuthi omama namadodakazi kufanele bathathe ikhasi encwadini yamadoda futhi bagxile ekwenzeni izinto ndawonye. Isazi sengqondo sengqondo nomlobi uDorothy Firman bayavumelana ukuthi imisebenzi yokwabelana ingakwazi "ukusabalalisa izimo ezithile ezinzima." Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uFirman ubonisa ukuthi imisebenzi ayihlali njalo iqinisa ubuhlobo ngendlela ingxoxo enhle ingakwazi ngayo. "Kodwa ingxoxo idinga ukuhlonipha, ngokucophelela, ngokusekelwe othandweni nokukhathalela, futhi abantu ababili kudingeka bathole ukuthi bangakwazi ukuthatha ingxoxo endaweni yokuphulukisa," kusho uFirman.
"Ngokuvamile sinamathele ekudaleni kuphela uhlangothi lwethu endabeni." Uma izingxoxo ziphela ngokulimala noma ukuthukuthela, ucebisa ukuba abuyele emisebenzini eyabelwe noma ukudayela phansi inkhulumomphendvulwano.
Ukunqoba ibanga
Inkinga: Uma omama namadodakazi behlukaniswa ibanga, kuvela izinkinga ezahlukene. Abesifazane baxhumana ubuso nobuso kangcono, njengoba bevame ukuba abanamakhono ekuthatheni ithoni, ulimi lomzimba, nezinye izici. Uma kufanele baxhumane ngocingo, i-imeyli, umbhalo kanye nezinye izindlela, bangase bazwe ukungezwani okuningi kanye nokulahlekelwa okuvamile.
Isixazululo: Kungase kube khona indlela ephelele yokuthi omama namadodakazi bahlukaniswe ibanga ukuxhumana, kodwa ezinye izinqumo zingcono kunezinye.
I-Facetime ne-Skype kuvumela abasebenzisi ukuthi babone ukubonakala komzimba, ulimi lomzimba, kanye nekhwalithi yezwi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi basebenzisa ifoni noma umsebenzi wezingxoxo zevidiyo, omama abahlakaniphile benza umqondo wengqondo ngaphambi kokuba baqale. Yiziphi ezinye izihloko eziphephile zengxoxo, futhi yiziphi izihloko okufanele zigweme?
Ukukhulumisana okubhaliwe kunezinzuzo ezithile ngaphezu kwenkulumo, njengoba umlayezo womuntu ungahle uhlelwe ngokucophelela. U-Tannen weluleka ukuqapha nge-imeyili: "Awukwazi ukuthi wehla kanjani, futhi ungase uhlabe umuntu ngendlela engafanele, bese uyigubha ngokujulile nangaphezulu." Ngaphezu kwalokho, ama-imeyili angagcinwa futhi agcwaliswe ngaphezulu. Ukuthumela imiyalezo yiyona ndlela esemqoka yokuxhumana yabesifazane abaningi abasebasha, kodwa ayisebenzi kahle imiyalezo emide. Uphetha "imvamisa yokuhweba yokuziphendulela," kusho uTannen, ocebisa ukuthumela izithombe eziningi njengendlela esheshayo yokuxhuma. Imithombo yezokuxhumana njenge-Facebook ingaba yindlela enhle yokuhlala ixhunyiwe, nakuba i-Facebook inezingozi zayo.
Umama njengoMphathi wezokuxhumana
Inkinga: Emindenini eminingi, umama yiyona ndlela esemqoka yokusabalalisa ulwazi kumalungu omndeni. U-Tannen ubiza unina uMqondisi wezokuxhumana. Lokhu kuyisibusiso esihlangene, njengoba kusho ukuthi umama cishe uzobekwa icala nganoma yiluphi ulwazi olungamanga noma ukungaqondi kahle. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kufanele enze izinqumo eziningi ezibalulekile mayelana nokuthi ubani okhulunywa ukuthi yini, futhi indawo evulekile yokulwa komndeni.
Isixazululo: Uma kunokwenzeka, omama kufanele bathole amanye amalungu omndeni ukuthi axhumane ngqo ngaphandle kokuhamba naye. Omama bangasho okuthiwa, "Kungani ungabizi udade wakho wena? Ngicabanga ukuthi usekhaya manje." Amalungu omndeni angathandi ukuxoxa ngefoni angasebenzisa imiyalezo, i-imeyili, izincwadi, noma imilayezo ye-Facebook.
Abanye omama banqabe ukunikela indima yeKhomishana oyiKhomishana ngoba bayakujabulela, ngokuqaphela noma engazi lutho, umqondo wokubaluleka okukudluliselayo. "Abesifazane abaningi banomuzwa wokuthi ukusondelana neGrail engcwele yobuhlobo nokwazi ulwazi lomuntu siqu kuyisibonakaliso sokusondelana," kusho uTannen. "Ukunikeza lowo muntu wedwa kungase kuzwe ukuxuba, njengokushiywa ngaphandle (ukukhishwa okukhulu kunabesifazane)." Kubalulekile ukuthi abantu abanjalo baqaphele ukuthi umndeni osebenzayo uthola izindlela zokugcina wonke amalungu omndeni ahilelekile. Uma unina kuphela amandla okuxhuma umndeni, kwenzekani uma efa? Ingabe umndeni uzohlukana?
Isongo Sobunye Ubudlelwane
Inkinga: Intukuthelo yimizwelo yabantu ejwayelekile kakhulu. Umama angase angabi nomhawu ngontanga yakhe kodwa angamcasula ubudlelwane bendodakazi noninazala, omama, omama noma abanye abesifazane asebekhulile. Ubuhlobo obunjalo bungase buqaphele ukuthi buyisongela ebuhlotsheni bomama-indodakazi.
Isixazululo: Ukuqaphela inkinga yisinyathelo sokuqala, kodwa ngeshwa umuntu akakwazi ukukhipha isithunzi ngesenzo esilula sokuthanda. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kusiza ukuhlaziya isimo, ukuvuma imizwa yesikhwele nokusebenzisa indlela yokucabanga. Isibonelo, umama oye wafunda ukuthi umama wesifazane uthola isipho angazikhumbuza zonke izipho ayezitholile esikhathini esidlule futhi avume ukuthi abanye abantu bafanelwe ukuba bafinyelele ekupheleni kokuthola ngezikhathi ezithile.