Ukukhula nomzali engekho kungashiya izingane ngezwi elijulile lokuhlazeka nokulahlekelwa. Futhi uma ukungabikho kubonakala ngokuzithandela, umthelela ungaba namandla nakakhulu. Kusukela kumbono wengane, kunzima ukucabanga ukuthi umzali ukhetha ukungabandakanyeki ngaphandle kokuba kube nesizathu esihle. Ngokudabukisayo, izingane ziyingozi kakhulu ekuboneni isiphetho esingalungile futhi zicabange ukuthi kumele zibe nephutha.
Lokhu kwesaba nokweqa umthetho kungashiya izingane zizizwa zingenakufanelekile. Noma kunjalo, kukhona ithemba. Njengomzali osele, kuningi ongayenza ukusekela ingane yakho nokwakha ukuzethemba kwakhe.
Siza Ingane Yakho Ukubhekana Nezindaba Zokulahlwa
Njengomzali ohilelekile, unethuba elikhulu lokuthonya ukuzethemba komntanakho nokunciphisa umthelela wokulahlwa kwakho. Ukubona izindaba zokulahlelwa kwengane kusenesikhathi, uzofuna ukugcina iso ngaphandle kwezimo ezilandelayo:
Izingane eziye zalahlwa zinganqaba konke mayelana nomzali engekho. Ngaphezulu, lokhu kungase kubonakale sengathi impendulo enengqondo. Uzobona lokhu lapho ingane iveza isifiso sokuba ngokuphambene ngqo nomzali engekho. Njengomzali osele, ungasiza ngo:
- Ukuqinisekisa izimfanelo zezingane zakho ezihlukile.
- Ukuvumela ingane yakho ukuba yabelane ngemicabango nemibono yakhe.
- Ukuqaphela ukuthi lesi sigaba singase sibe yesikhashana.
- Ukubonisa ububele ngezitatimende ezifana nokuthi, "Ngiyaqonda ukuthi kungani ungase uzizwe ngaleyo ndlela okwamanje."
Izingane ezinenkinga yokulahla zingase zenze umzali ongekho. Ezinye izingane zingase ziqaphele-zibonise nomzali engekho futhi zihlakulele i-set of fantasies ngaye. Futhi nakuba lezi zinkinga zingase zinikeze induduzo ethile, lokho kukhululeka ebuhlungu buvame ukuba yesikhashana.
Njengomunye umzali wengane yakho, ungasiza ngo:
- Ukuvumela ingane yakho ukuba ikhulume ngokukhululekile izinkumbulo zakhe zomzali engekho.
- Gwema isilingo sokulungisa izikhumbuzo zomntanakho.
- Cela imibuzo evulekile ukuze usize ingane yakho ichaze imininingwane eyengeziwe ephathelene nezinkumbulo zakhe.
Izingane ezinezinkinga zokulahla zingase zenze ukuzethemba okungalungile. Izingane eziye zalahlwa abazali zingase zithandeke ekuhlakuleleni ukuzethemba okungenabuthakathaka kanye nehloni elizungeze ukungabikho komzali. Bangase bazibuze ukuthi ngabe bangabanikela yini ekungabikho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bafanelekile ukuba bashiywe, noma ngabe umzali engekho ukholelwa ukuthi ungcono ngaphandle 'komthwalo' wengane. Njengomzali osele, ungasiza ngo:
- Ukukhumbuza ingane yakho, ngokuphindaphindiwe uma kunesidingo, ukuthi akayona iphutha.
- Ukusebenzisa ulimi olucacile, oluqondile uma udumisa ingane yakho .
- Ukunikeza abeluleki ingane yakho
- Ukukhuthaza ubuhlobo nabantu abadala obazethembayo, abangakwazi futhi ukuthumela imiyalezo yangempela, emihle mayelana namakhono wengane yakho, umlingiswa, nokukhetha.
Izingane ezinenkinga yokulahla zingase zibe nobunzima bokuveza imizwelo yazo: Izingane eziye zalahlwa abazali zingaba nzima ukuxoxa ngemizwa yabo.
Bavame ukugcina imizwelo yabo ibhodlile futhi bangabi nethemba elidingekayo ukuze babelane nabanye ngeqiniso labo. Njengomunye umzali wengane yakho, ungasiza ngo:
- Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi uyamthanda ingane yakho ngokungenasisekelo, ngisho nalapho ethukuthele, edabukile, noma ekhungathekile.
- Ukubhalela ingane yakho incwadi ukuveza ukuthi uziqhenya kanjani.
- Ukuthembeka lapho ingane yakho ixoxa nawe ngemizwa yakhe.
- Ukuhlinzeka ngamathuba avamile wokuxhumana nomntanakho, ukudala isimo lapho azokhululeka khona ukuvula lapho isikhathi sikhona.
Izinsiza:
UBalcom, uDennis A. "Abababa Abangenayo: Imiphumela Ezinganeni Ezilahlekile." I-Journal of Men's Studies 6.3 (1998): 283+. Questia. 31 Mashi 2008.