Indlela Yokuphendula Ngesihawu
Q: I-ex yangu futhi ngahlukana cishe eminyakeni emine edlule. Ngaleso sikhathi, izingane zethu zazingu-2, 4, no-9. Manje ukuthi omdala wethu usemusha, ukhononda njalo ukuthi ufuna ukuhamba nobaba wakhe. Uthi ukhathele ukukhathalela abafowabo futhi ufuna ukwazi ukuthi kuzoba njani ukubona ubaba wakhe nsuku zonke esikhundleni sezimpelasonto. Ngicabanga futhi ukuthi ufuna ngasese isiqalo esisha esikoleni esisha.
Nginesihawu, kodwa angicabangi ukuthi i-ex yami ikulungele ukuba ngumzali wesikhathi esigcwele. Uhamba kakhulu, futhi akaqiniseki njengoba nginakho ngezinto ezifana nomsebenzi wesikole, izikhathi zokulala, kanye nemizila evamile. Ngiyazi ukuthi uyabathanda abafana, futhi mina ngingubo bonke abachitha isikhathi ndawonye. Kodwa ngikholelwa ukuthi izingane zingcono kakhulu ukuhlala nami. Futhi, okunye okukhathazayo ukuthi uma ngivumela ukuthi omdala wethu ahambe ahlale nobaba wakhe, amanye amabili azolandela. Ngingumuntu oziqhenya nje?
A: Kuzwakala sengathi ufuna ukuvumelana kwezingane zakho, futhi lokho akuzona ubugovu nhlobo! Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile ukuphendula isicelo seNdodana yakho ngesihawu futhi ukhulume ngokucacile nangothando ngendaba:
- Cabanga lapho indodana yakho ivela khona. Ngokusekelwe kulokho okushilo, kubonakala sengathi ulahlekelwa yilelokhokho lukababa nsuku zonke futhi ufuna ukwazi ukuthi impilo yakhe yayiyoba njani uma ehlala nobaba ngemuva kokuhlukana (noma noma ngabe isehlukaniso asikaze kwenzeke). Lo mqondo wesifiso sokwemvelo. Kuzwakala sengathi angase asebenze nezinkinga esikoleni okungenza ukuthi aziphathe ngokuhle nobaba.
Khumbula futhi ukuthi mhlawumbe kwakungelula kumntanakho ukuveza imizwa yakhe kuwe ngokuzwakalayo. Ngisho noma ngabe waxosha isicelo ngokuthukuthela, mhlawumbe wayesengqondweni yakhe okwesikhashana. Ngakho ngaphambi kokuba uphendule ngokuzivikela (okungaba yendalo engokwemvelo), thatha isikhathi sokucabangela lapho indodana yakho ivela khona. Isibonelo, ingabe ulahlekelwe ngubaba wakhe ngaphezu kokuqaphela kwakho? Noma ingabe kukhona okunye okuqhubeka esikoleni okudingayo ukubhekana ngqo ngqo? (Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe uyahlukunyezwa?) Ukuqonda okungcono impande yesicelo sakhe kuzokusiza ukubhekana nanoma yiziphi izinkinga ezijulile ngesikhathi esisodwa.
- Yazi kahle imithetho esimweni sakho. Ngo-13, ingane yakho ingase ibe nomthetho esitokisini izinqumo ezithinta. Ngakho-ke thatha isikhathi sokufunda emithethweni yokugcinwa kwengane esifundazweni sakho ukuze ulungele uma ngabe ex ucela ukuguqulwa kwendodana yakho egameni lakho.
- Khuluma ne-ex yakho. Ungase ulingeke ukuba ugcine isifiso somntanakho sokuhlala noyise imfihlakalo, kodwa kubalulekile ukukhuluma ngale ndaba ngokuqondile ngqo ukuze usebenze ndawonye ukuze uhlangabezane nezidingo zakhe. Veza ukukhathazeka kwakho ngokuhlukanisa abafana phezulu futhi uxoxe ngezindlela zokubhekana nomsuka wesicelo sendodana yakho - sifuna isikhathi esiningi nobaba - ngaphandle kokushintsha ukugcinwa kwezingane. Isibonelo, ingabe i-ex yakho ingachitha isikhathi esiningi nendodana yakho? Ingabe ngamunye wabafana bangazuza esikhathini esincane nanye nobaba? Khuluma ngezindlela ezingokoqobo zokuguqula ilungiselelo lokugcina izingane kanye nokuvakashelwa okwamanje elikhona ukubhekana nemizwa yendodana yakho ngenkathi uqhubeka nokuvumelana okudingayo.
- Zibuze ukuthi ungenzani ukusiza indodana yakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ulahlekelwe ngubaba wakhe, ubhekana nezinkinga eziyinkimbinkimbi esikoleni - noma zombili - indodana yakho idinga ukwesekwa nokuthanda kwakho okwamanje. Njengoba kunzima ukubeka eceleni ukwesaba nokuthukuthela kwakho, khumbula ukuthi lokhu akukona ngawe. Ngokuphathelene nendodana yakho okudingeka ikwazi ukuziveza ngokugcwele futhi ukwazi ukuthi uyathanda ngokungenasisekelo ngisho nalapho imibono yakhe ihlukile kweyakho.
- Zenza ukulalela okukhuthele. Vumela indodana yakho yazi ukuthi uyizwa ngempela. Yisho, "Ngikuzwa ukuthi usho ..." Futhi mbonge ngokuthi uvulekile kakhulu nawe!
Okokugcina, khumbula ukuthi lezi zingxoxo ziveza amathuba okukhula kokubili. Esikhundleni sokuphikisa lelo thuba, yamukele! Zibophezele ukuthi ungakhulumi ngokuzwakalayo wonke umcabango odlula ekhanda lakho, futhi ulalele ngempela ukuthi indodana yakho isho ukuthini. Vumela lezi zingxoxo zikusondeza njengoba uzama ngobuqotho ukuqonda iphuzu lakhe lokubuka. Lona ngumgomo wangempela, futhi kungase kubaluleke nakakhulu kunokubamba isikhundla sakho njengomzali wokulondoloza!
Okuningi: Indlela Yokuphendula Lapho Ingane Yakho Ifuna Ukuhlala Nomunye Umzali