Mhlawumbe uye wabona izibonelo eziningi zabazali ezihlambalaza izingane ku-intanethi nasesidlangalaleni. Kusuka emiphumeleni ekhulayo kakhulu-futhi ukufihla imininingwane kunoma ubani ozolalela - 'ukubiza' ukuziphatha okukhathazayo ku-Facebook naku-Instagram, izingane ezihlambalaza umphakathi zingabonakala ziphumelela ekuqaleni. Ngokuqinisekile uyaziqaphela, akunjalo? Kodwa inkinga ukuthi akusebenzi neze ngokuhamba kwesikhathi njengethuluzi lokubumba ukuziphatha kwezingane zakho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ingaba nomthelela omkhulu futhi okhungathekile ebuhlotsheni bakho bomzali nabantwana, ungasho ukuthi uyabethemba. Nakhu okudingeka ukwazi mayelana nokuhlambalaza izingane zakho ku-intanethi nasesidlangalaleni, kufaka phakathi izibonelo zamazwi anamahloni abazali abangabodwa, ikakhulukazi okufanele bawagweme.
Yini i-Shaming?
Ukuzibuza ukuthi yini eyenza ingane ihlaziye? Nazi ezinye izibonelo:
- Ukutshela izindaba ezinamahloni noma ezidalula emzamweni wokuphatha isimo sengqondo somntwana noma ukuziphatha kwakhe
- Ukuthatha okumele kube yingxoxo yangasese mayelana nokuziphatha nemiphumela nokwenza kube ngumphakathi ngokuwabelana nabangani, umndeni, noma umhlaba jikelele (ngezokuxhumana)
- Ukwenza ingane ibe yinto embi ngokwakho, njengomuntu, kunokugxila ekuziphatheni okwamanje ozama ukuguqula
Ngokudabukisayo, lezi zindlela zingabonakala ziqala ekuqaleni, kodwa ukuhlambalaza ingane yakho kuzobuya ngokushesha.
Futhi nakuba abazali kungenzeka basebenzise amahloni kusukela ekuqaleni kuze kube yisikhathi, ukufinyeleleka kwezokuxhumana kwabantu kwenza kube yingozi kakhulu kunanini ngaphambili. Akugcini nje ukuthi ulahlekelwa ukulingana okulinganayo, kodwa izingane ezihlambalaza emphakathini noma e-intanethi nazo zidiliza ukwethemba nokuzethemba. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ivikela isisusa somntanakho ukuba uhlanganyele ekuziphatheni okuzama ukuzama ukukukhuthaza.
Ukuziphendulela nokuhlambalaza
Yini edideka kubazali ukuthi imicabango nemizwa ithonya ukuziphatha. Isibonelo, uma umemeza ezinganeni zakho bese uzizwa unomuzwa wecala noma uzisola, leyo mizwa ingase ibe ngokwanele ukukushintsha ukuziphatha kwakho. Kodwa kukhona umehluko phakathi kwesono nokuhlazeka. NjengoBrené Brown, uprofesa wocwaningo eYunivesithi yaseHouston kanye nomlobi weNew York Times ethi incwadi ethengisa kakhulu ukugcoba kakhulu , uyifaka: inecala lithi "Ngenze into embi," ngenkathi ihlazo lithi, " Ngimbi." Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izinselele zokuziphatha ozisebenzisayo manje, akuyona umyalezo ofuna ukuthumela kubantwana bakho.
Kungani Ukuhlambalaza Izingane Zakho Akusebenzi?
Izingane ezihlekisayo nazo ziyingozi ngoba ihlazo livame ukuba umuzwa onamathele, futhi ngokuvamile uhlala isikhathi eside kunokuba uqaphele noma uhlose. Ngakho-ke nakuba kungase kubonakale phezulu njengabazali abahlazisa izingane zabo emithonjeni yezokuxhumana, bathola ukuthi le ndlela yokukhulisa izingane ilimaza ngempela izinto ezimbili osebenza kanzima ukudala:
- Ukuzethemba kwezingane zakho
- Ubuhlobo bakho besikhathi eside
Kwabanye, kungase kube nokuxhumana phakathi kokufinyelela kokuhlambalaza komphakathi kanye nemithelela yayo yesikhathi eside. Isibonelo, ukuhlambalaza ingane yakho esidlangalaleni ku-Facebook, lapho kunombono wokuthi inqwaba enkulu yabantu bayibona, ingase ibe yingozi kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bakho kanye nomqondo womuntu wengane yakho kunakudala "Ngeke ukholwe ukuthi yini wenza manje! " uhlobo lokuhlambalaza okwakungenzeka phakathi kwetafula lesidlo phambi kuka-anti Sally.
Kuthiwani uma Usuvele Usumama Wakho Ngokudumile?
Ake sithole kwangempela. Ungase ufunde lokhu futhi ucabange, "Hhayi! Ngikwenzile lokhu kakade." Manje yithuba lakho lokuxolisa. Izingane zakho kudingeka zibone ukuthi ungumuntu futhi uzimisele ukuzenza amaphutha akho. Ngakho-ke noma ngabe uhlangabezana nokuzisola okwenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuqala leyo ngxoxo, kwenze kwenzeke. Uma uye wadelela obala ingane yakho, kufanele akuzwe ucela uxolo ngobuqotho futhi uxoxe ngokuqinisekisiwe ukuthi ngeke kwenzeke futhi. Lokhu kuzoba nomphumela wokubuyisela ebuhlotsheni bakho ukuze ukwazi ukuqala ukuxhuma uxhumano lwakho njengesiphathi sakho esikhulu kunazo zonke sokuthonya ukuziphatha kwengane yakho-hhayi ukuhlambalaza.
Amazwi Ahlekisayo Abazali Abazali Abangabodwa Kufanele Bagweme
Abanye abazali abangabodwa bangaba sengozi enkulu yokusebenzisa amahloni izingane zabo ngenxa yokucindezeleka okuvame ukuhambisana nokuxhumana ne-ex yakho. Nasi uhlu lwamagama nemisho emangazayo ofuna ukuyigwema:
- "Uyintombazane enjalo." Lokhu kumangalelwa akusizi ingane yakho ukuba iqonde ukuthi yenzani okungalungile noma lokho okudingeka iguqulwe. Futhi akuyona neze inkulumo ofuna ukuyigxila emicabangweni yakhe iminyaka ezayo!
- "Ufana nomama wakho (noma ubaba)." Lokhu kungaba njalo njengokuhlambalaza ngokuthi "ungumfana omncane" isibonelo, ikakhulukazi uma ingane yakho iyazi ukuthi unezinzondo eziningi futhi uphikisana ne-ex yakho.
- "Angazi ukuthi kungani ngikhathazeka nawe." Cabanga ukuthi lowo muntu uzizwa kanjani ngomzuzwana. Esikhathini esiningi, lokhu kusetshenziselwa ukukhungatheka okukhulu. Ukuze ugweme ukufika kulelo phuzu kuqala, yiba nesifiso sokuzikhathalela wena nokudweba isikhathi sami-uma udinga.
- "Kufanele ngikuthumelele ukuba uhlale nobaba (noma umama)?" Lokhu kufana nendima engenhla, futhi akugcini nje ukuveza ukucasuka, futhi kunciphisa igunya lakho labazali. Uyisisekelo sokuthi awukho ongakhetha kukho. Futhi uma uzizwa ngaleyo ndlela, yima futhi uthathe umoya ojulile. Bese uzungeze uhlelo lwakho lokusekela bese usebenza ngezinyathelo zakho ezilandelayo. Uma u-ex wakho ehilelekile, qiniseka ukumfaka naye engxoxweni, futhi, ikakhulukazi uma ukholelwa ukuthi ukuziphatha kwengane yakho kungambeka engozini.
- "Ngikhathele ukubhekana nawe." Misa lesi sigwebo ngokuthi "Ngikhathele kakhulu." I-Period. Bese uthatha ikhefu bese uphumula. Umbono omusha uzokusiza ukubhekana nanoma yiziphi izinkinga ozizwayo nengane yakho ngaphandle kokuchitha ukuzethemba kwakhe noma ubuhlobo bakho.
Indlela Yokuthinta Izindlela Zakho Zokuziphatha Ngaphandle Kokuhlekisa
Ithuluzi elihle kunazo zonke onakho lokuthonya ukuziphatha kwezingane zakho ubuhlobo bakho. Ngokufanelekile, ufuna ukudala isibopho esiqinisa umqondo wakho wezingane zakho ukuthi ungubani, kanti futhi ubanika indawo yokufunda emaphutheni abo. Ngakho uma izingane zakho zikhetha ukungakulaleli, zixoxe ngokukhetha kwazo nokuthi zingenzani ngesikhathi esizayo ngokuzayo. Nazi ezinye izibonelo zamagama amahle nemishwana ongayisebenzisa:
- "Ngithanda ukuthi ungitshele okwenzekile." Thatha imizuzu embalwa ukuzwa ingane yakho ngaphandle kokuthi uphendule.
- "Kwenzekani lokho kuwe?" Siza ingane yakho ukuthi ibone imizwa ehlobene nezenzakalo ezenzeka. Lokhu kungafaka intukuthelo, ukwesaba, isizungu, ukumangala, nabanye.
- "Ubungeke wenzeni ngokuhlukile?" Lena enkulu! Okungcono, ufuna ingane yakho ikwazi ukuzibiza ngokuthi izindlela ezingahle ziphumelele kakhulu. Kulo mzuzu, kubalulekile kuwe ukuthi uqinisekise imibono engase iphumelele. Umqondo wukunika amandla ingane yakho ngamasu 'ngesikhathi esizayo' esikhundleni sokuhlambalaza ingane yakho ukuthi ingayikhethe lezo zindlela okokuqala ngqa.
- "Uzokwenzenjani ngesikhathi esizayo?" Qinisekisa amandla amagama wengane yakho ngokumsiza igama lakhe isu eliphezulu.
- Ngingabasiza kanjani? Lo uvame ukushiywa ngaphandle, kodwa unamandla kangaka! Ngisho noma kungekho lutho olusebenzayo ongakwenza, luzosiza ingane yakho ikuzwe ukuthi wenze isipho sangempela sokusiza.