Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo bomshado buphilile kangakanani, kuzomele kube nezinhlaka ezimbalwa laphaya. Futhi ukungavumelani okumbalwa ngezikhathi ezithile ngokuvamile akuyona into enkulu.
Izingxoxo ezivuthiwe, ngokuzigcina zingaboni ngombono wabantwana, futhi ukwenqaba ukubiza igama-zibize zonke izingane zibonisa indlela yokubhekana nokungavumelani ngendlela enempilo.
Kodwa ukungqubuzana okukhulu nakakhulu kuthatha umonakalo kubantwana.
Empeleni, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abazali balwa nempilo yengqondo ngezindlela eziningana. Ukuguqulwa ngokomzimba, ukuhlambalaza, namaqhinga afana nokuthi "ukwelashwa," cishe kuyolimaza ingane esikhathini esizayo.
Okwenza Abazali Balwe Nenkinga
Kukhona ucwaningo lokusikisela ukuthi umntwana osemusha oneminyaka engu-6 ubudala angathinteka kabi yizimpikiswano ezinzima zomzali. Kodwa akuyona nje izingane ezincane ezithintekayo abazali abalwa-ezinye izifundo zibonisa abantu abadala, abaneminyaka engama-19 ubudala, bangazizwa bezingxabano emshadweni lwabazali babo.
Kuya kubonisa ukuthi izingane zabo bonke ubudala, kusukela kusencane kusukela ekukhulile, zithinteka ukuthi abazali babo bakhetha kanjani ukusingatha ukungezwani kwabo.
Abacwaningi bakholelwa ukuthi imibhangqwana ephikisanayo iyaphazamisa impilo yengqondo yengane ngezizathu eziningana:
- Izingane zithinteka ngokomzwelo. Ukulwa kunciphisa umqondo wokuphepha wabantwana mayelana nokuzinza komndeni. Izingane ezivezwe ukulwa okuningi zingase zikhathazeke ngesahlukaniso noma zibuze lapho ukwelashwa komunye umzali kungapheli. Kungenza kube nzima ngabo ukuba nomqondo wokujwayelekile emndenini ngoba ukulwa kungase kungabi nakwazi.
- Ubuhlobo bomzali nengane bungathinteka. Izimpikiswano eziphezulu zicindezela nabazali futhi. Futhi umzali ocindezelekile angeke asebenzise isikhathi esiningi nezingane. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ikhwalithi yobuhlobo ingathinteka njengoba kungase kube nzima kubazali ukukhombisa ukufudumala nokuthandana lapho bethukuthele futhi bethukuthele omunye umzali.
- Ukulwa kudala imvelo ecindezelayo. Ukuzwa ukulwa njalo noma okunamandla kucindezela izingane. Ukucindezeleka kungathatha inhlalakahle enhlalakahleni yabo engokwenyama nangokwengqondo futhi kuphazamise ukuthuthukiswa okuvamile, okunempilo.
Imiphumela Yempilo Yengqondo Yesikhathi Eside
Ngonyaka wezi-2012, isifundo sanyatheliswa encwadini ethi Child Development eyabheka umphumela wokuphikisana kwabazali kwabantwana abavela enkulisa ngokusebenzisa ibanga lesikhombisa. Babeyingxenye yama-235 emindenini ephakathi kwamaphakathi eMidwest naseNyakatho Melika United States engenayo imali ephakathi kuka $ 40,000 no-$ 60,000.
Lapho izingane zabo sezifundela, abazali babuzwa ukuthi bangakanani ukungqubuzana okwaba nakho emshadweni wabo. Babuye babuzwa ukuba bakhulume ngesihloko esinzima, njengemali, nabacwaningi babheka indlela abalingani ababaluleke ngayo omunye komunye.
Ngemva kweminyaka eyisikhombisa, abacwaningi baphinde balandela imindeni. Bobabili izingane nabazali babuzwa ngokulwa empini yomzali kanye nempilo yomzwelo nokuziphatha kwezingane.
Amantombazane abelethwe abazali abanobuhlungu futhi avame ukubhekana nokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka kanye nokuziphatha ngesikhathi befika ebangeni lesikhombisa.
Lokho akuzona kuphela izinkinga izingane ezingabhekana nazo lapho abazali bazo bevame ukulwa.
Nazi ezinye iziphumo ezitholwe lapho kuhlolwa imiphumela yokulwa kwabazali okungaba nabantwana:
- Ukunciphisa ukusebenza kwengqondo - Isifundo se-2013 eshicilelwe ekuthuthukisaneni kwengane sithole ukuthi ukucindezeleka okuhlobene nokuhlala ekhaya eliphikisana kakhulu kunganciphisa ukusebenza kwengqondo kwengane. Abacwaningi bathola ukuthi uma abazali bevame ukulwa, izingane zaba nobunzima obuningi bokulawula ukunakwa kwabo kanye nemizwelo yabo. Ikhono labo lokuxazulula izinkinga ngokushesha futhi ngokushesha ukubona amaphethini kolwazi olusha lwaluhlehlisiwe.
- Izinkinga zobudlelwane - Ukwehlukaniswa kwabazali ukulwa kwandisa amathuba ukuthi izingane zizophatha abanye ngenzondo. Kuvame ukuthi izingane zakho zizoqala ukuxazulula izigumbane zakwabo ngezindlela ezifanayo abakubonile. Futhi bangase balwe nobunzima bokugcina ubudlelwane obuhle uma bekhulile futhi uma bekhulile ukujwayele ukuhlukana komndeni.
- Amanani aphakeme kakhulu ezinkinga zokuziphatha - Ukungqubuzana komzali kuye kwaxhunyaniswa nobudlova obandayo, ukuhlukumezeka nokuziphatha kwezinkinga ezinganeni. Ukwengeza, izingane cishe zinezinkinga zenhlalo futhi zandisa ubunzima bokuguqula esikoleni.
- Ingozi eyengeziwe yokudabuka kokudla - Ucwaningo oluningana luhlobanise ukuphazamiseka kokudla, okufana ne-anorexia ne-bulimia, ukuhlukunyezwa kwabazali abaphezulu.
- Amanani aphakeme kakhulu ekusetshenzisweni kabi kwezidakamizwa ezinganeni - Abacwaningi bathole ukuthi ukuhlala ekhaya elinamazinga aphezulu ezingxabano kunandisa amathuba okubhema, ukuphuza ngokweqile, nokubheja, ngokuphathelene nokuhlukunyezwa komndeni oshadile nomzali.
- Imiphumela yomzimba - Ingane ingase ibe nemiphumela emibi yempi, njengezinkinga zokulala, izinhlungu zesisu noma ikhanda.
- Ingozi ephakeme yezinkinga zemfundo - Olunye ucwaningo luye lwathola ukuthi ukuhlala emndenini omkhulu wezingxabano kwandisa amathuba okuphuma esikoleni esiphakeme futhi ukuthola amamaki amancane.
- Umbono ongcono kakhulu empilweni - Izingane ezikhuliswe emakhaya aphikisana kakhulu ziba nemibono emibi ebuhlotsheni babo bomndeni. Futhi banamathuba amaningi okuzibuka ngendlela engafanele. Ucwaningo lwe-2012 olwanyatheliswa kuyi- Journal of Youth and Adolescence lithole ukuthi izingane ezivezwe ezimpini zabazali nazo zinamathuba amaningi okuba nokuzethemba okuphansi.
Lapho Ukulwa Kuba Inkinga?
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uneminyaka engakanani yezingane zakho noma ngabe ubona imiphumela yezingxabano zomshado, hlolisisa indlela ophikisana ngayo. Ngenxa yokuthi ukulwa kwakho akutholaki ngokomzimba akusho ukuthi akulimazi izingane zakho.
Amacebo angavumelani okungahambisani angaba nomthelela omubi ezinganeni afaka:
- Ukushaya igama
- Ukuthuka
- Ukwesatshiswa kokulahlwa (njengokusongela ukuphuma endlini noma isehlukaniso)
- Noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba (kufaka phakathi ukuphonsa izinto noma ukujezisa izinto ngentukuthelo)
- Ukuphuma noma ukuhoxisa ekuxabaneni
- Ukuthunjwa (ukunikeza komunye umzali uma kungenjalo isixazululo ngempela)
Ngakho-ke ngenkathi ungase ucabange ukuhamba kude nengxabano futhi unikeze umlingani wakho ukulashwa kwezinsuku ezintathu akuyona into enkulu-kuyinto enkulu izingane zakho. Izingane zakho zibona ukuthi uphatha kanjani ukungavumelani futhi zifunda amakhono wokuxazulula izinkinga, amakhono omthethonqubo womzwelo, namakhono okuxazulula izingxabano ezivela kuwe.
Kubalulekile futhi ukucabanga ngomyalezo owathumela kubantwana bakho mayelana nobuhlobo obunothando. Uma wena nomlingani wakho niphathana ngokungahloniphi, izingane zakho zizokhula zicabanga ukuthi kulungile ukwenza okufanayo-futhi mhlawumbe bazokholelwa ukuthi kulungile ukuvumela abanye baphathe kabi.
Ukunciphisa Imiphumela Yengxabano Yomshado
Ngezinye izikhathi, ukungavumelani kuphuma esandleni. Umuntu oyedwa uthi okuthile abakushoyo, omunye umzali akaqapheli ukuthi izingane zabo zilalele ngakolunye uhlangothi odongeni.
I-spat noma amabili ayisho ukuthi uye walimaza ingane yakho ngendlela engafanele. Noma kunjalo, ungase uthande ukuthatha izinyathelo ezimbalwa ukuze unciphise imiphumela yalokho abakubonayo nabakuzwayo. Uma ukungavumelani kwakho kukhula ngokunganaki, ungathatha lezi zinyathelo ukubhekana nesimo nezingane zakho:
- Xoxa ngokulwa . Nakuba akudingeki ukuba wazi ukuthi yini wena nomlingani wakho ongavumelani ngayo, bamba umhlangano womndeni ukusho into efana nokuthi, "Ubaba nobaba sasiphikisana ngobunye ubusuku obuphelile. Sasingenalo umbono ofanayo kulokho okwakubalulekile kithi bobabili, kodwa kwakungalungile ukuthi silwe kanjalo. "
- Qinisekisa izingane ukuthi kwakuyinkinga nje futhi ayikhombisi izinkinga ezinkulu . Qinisekisa ukuthi namanje sithandana nokuthi ngeke uhlukanise (eqinisweni, ucabanga ukuthi yisitatimende sangempela).
- Qedela ngokuqinisekisa ukuthi izingane ziyaqonda ukuthi usengumkhaya oqinile . Chaza ukuthi izimpikiswano zenzeka ngezinye izikhathi futhi abantu bangakwazi ukulahlekelwa ukushisa kwabo. Nokho, nonke nithandana, naphezu kokungavumelani kwakho.
Uma ukholelwa ukuthi ukulwa kwakho nomngane wakho womshado noma umlingani wakho kuyalimaza inhlalakahle yomntanakho, cabanga ngokubona umuthi. Udokotela anganquma ukuthi omunye wenu angazuza yini ekwelapheni ngamanye ukuze afunde amakhono, njengokuphathwa kwentukuthelo noma isimiso somzwelo, noma ngabe kufanele uhambe emibhangqweni yokululekwa ukuze usebenze ebuhlotsheni bakho ndawonye.
Ingabe Abantwana Bangcono Emikhayeni Yabazali Ababili?
Izingane ngokuvamile zenza kahle emindenini yabazali ababili. Kodwa, kubalulekile ukuthi abazali bahlangane. Uma kukhona ukulwa okuningi, izingane zingase zibe ngcono uma abazali bazo behlukana.
Abazali abaningi bayazibuza ukuthi kungcono yini ukuhlala ndawonye ngenxa yezingane noma nje ukuhlukanisa. Kusobala ukuthi isehlukaniso singathatha inkokhelo yengqondo ezinganeni.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, izingane ezikhulayo nabazali abangabodwa zivame ukubhekana nezinye izinkinga-ezifana nezindinganiso zezomnotho-futhi zingase zingenzi kanye nezingane ezikhulela emindenini yabazali ababili. Futhi ngokucacile, ukushada futhi ukuhlala emndenini ohlangene kungaba nzima nakancane izingane.
Kodwa, ukuhlala ekhaya eliphikisanayo cishe kunomqondo olinganayo njengokucindezeleka-noma mhlawumbe okucindezela kakhulu izingane-kunokuba abazali babo bahlukanise. Uma abazali behlangana ngesikhathi sokuqhafaza nangemva kokuhlukana, izingane ngokuvamile azibona izibazi ezingokomzwelo ezihlala njalo.
Ngakho uma uthola ubuhlobo obunzima, ukuhlala ndawonye kubantwana kungase kungenzi izingane zakho noma yiziphi izinzuzo. Kubalulekile ukufuna usizo ukunciphisa impikiswano noma ukwenza izinguquko ebuhlotsheni ukuze izingane zakho zikhule zijabule futhi ziphilile.
> Imithombo
> Cummings EM, George MRW, uMccoy KP, Davies PT. Ukungqubuzana Phakathi Kokubeletha Nokulungiswa Kwezingane: Ukuphenya Okubhekayo Ukuphepha Kwengqondo Njengendlela Yokuchaza. Ukuthuthukiswa Kwabantwana . 2012; 83 (5): 1703-1715.
> George MW, Fairchild AJ, Cummings EM, Davies PT. Ukungqubuzana Emshadweni Ekuqaleni Kwengane Nengane Yengane Enesifo Ukukhathazeka Ukudla: Ukungabi Nesimo Somzwelo kanye Ubudlelwane Bomshado Njengendlela Yokuchaza. Ukudla ama-Behaviors . 2014; 15 (4): 532-539.
> Hinnant JB, El-Sheikh M, Keiley M, Buckhalt JA. Ukungqubuzana Emshadweni, Imithwalo Yesihluku, Nokuthuthukiswa Kwezingane Zomsebenzi Wokuziqonda Ngokwemvelo. Ukuthuthukiswa Kwabantwana . 2013; 84 (6): 2003-2014.
> Mccoy K, Cummings EM, Davies PT. Ukungqubuzana Emshadweni Olwakhayo Nokubhubhisa, Ukuphepha Kwengqondo Nokuziphatha Kwezingane. I-Journal ye-Child Psychology ne-Psychiatry . 2009; 50 (3): 270-279.
> Silva C, uCalheiros M, uCarvalho H. Ukuphikisana Kwabaningi Nezingane: Ukubambisana Kwezokuphepha Kwezingane Ebudlelwaneni Phakathi. I-Journal ye-Adolescence . 2016; 52: 76-88.