Ukwenqatshelwa ukuvakashelwa kuyisipiliyoni esibuhlungu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uvalelwe yinkantolo noma ex. Ngaphambi kokuba unqume ukuthi yini okumelwe ukwenze ngokulandelayo, udinga ukuqonda kuqala ukuthi kungani uvinjelwa ukuvakashelwa nokuthi yiziphi ongakhetha kuzo ezivela lapha ngaphandle. Nazi ezinye zezizathu ezivame kakhulu zokuvakasha kwezingane okungavunyelwa umzali, nokuthi yini ongayenza uma lokhu kwenzeka kuwe.
Isizathu Sokuba Ungenqatshelwa Ukuvakasha eNkantolo
Ngokuvamile, akuvamile ukuba izinkantolo ziphike ngokuphelele ukuvakashelwa kwengane. Okunye okungahle kwenzeke uma izinkantolo zikholelwa ukuthi ukuphepha kokuvakasha kuyinkinga noma kungabangela ukwesaba ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo empilweni yabantwana bakho. Kwezinye izimo, ijaji lingadinga amakilasi wokubeletha, umsebenzi wokuphatha intukuthelo, noma ukwelapha izidakamizwa noma utshwala ngaphambi kokuvakashelwa njalo. Uma kwenzeka inkantolo ikhiphe lolu hlobo lwemfuno, kungcono ukuthobela ngokushesha ukuthi ubonise ukuzibophezela kwakho ukuqala isikhathi esivamile nezingane zakho.
Ezinye izindlela zokuvakashelwa ukuvakasha
Izinkantolo zizodinga ukuvakashelwa okuqondisiwe kunokuba ziphike ukuvakashelwa kwezingane ngokuphelele. Ezimweni lapho ukuvakashelwa okuqondisiwe kudingekile, umzali angakwazi noma angabi nalutho kulabo abanikeza ukuqondiswa nokuthi ukuhambela kuzokwenzeka kuphi. Uma ijaji lenza umyalo odinga ukuvakashelwa okuqondisiwe, qiniseka ukuthi uthole yonke imininingwane lapho ukuvakashelwa kuzokwenzeka khona, ngubani ofanelekile ukugcwalisa indima yomphathi kanye nobude bokuvakashelwa ngalunye.
Uzofuna ukwazi nokuthi umyalelo wesikhashana noma wesikhumba ekuqedeni ezinye izidingo ezikhothowe enkantolo, njengokufakazela ukubamba iqhaza ezinkampanini ezithile noma ekuqedeni ukwelashwa kokunwa utshwala okuvunyiwe enkantolo.
Ukuvakashelwa nokusekelwa kwezingane
Abazali abaningi bakhathazeka ngokuthi ukuwa ngemuva kokusekelwa kwengane kungaba isizathu sokulahlekelwa ukugcinwa kwengane noma ukuvakashelwa.
Noma kunjalo, izinkantolo ngokuvamile zibheke ukugcinwa kanye nokusekelwa kwengane njengezindaba ezimbili ngokuphelele. Imiphumela yokungakhokha ukusekelwa kwengane ngesikhathi futhi ngokugcwele ihlanganisa:
- Ukuba nelayisensi yakho yokushayela imiswe okwesikhashana
- Ukungakwazi ukuthola ipasipoti
- Ukuhlobisa amaholo
- Futhi ngisho nokuboshwa
Noma kunjalo, ukulahlekelwa kwamalungelo okuvakasha akuyona imiphumela ejwayelekile yokuwa ngemuva kokusekelwa kwengane.
Izizathu Zokuthi I-Ex Yakho Inganqabela Ukuvakashelwa
Lapho ukuvakasha kwakho kokuqala, ungase abe nezizathu ezihamba phambili kunalokho okukhathazayo okwenza izinkantolo zase-US ziphikise ukuvakashelwa kwezingane. Isibonelo, abazali abagcina ukugcinwa kwemvelo baye baziwa ukuthi bayaphika ukuhambela:
- Ukusekelwa kwengane okuvelele / okungakhokhelwa
- Izinkinga zokuthutha
- Okuhle
- Ukukhathazeka ngokukhetha komunye umzali
- Lapho umntwana engafuni ukubamba iqhaza
- Ngaphandle kwesaba noma intukuthelo
- Ukukhathazeka kokuphepha
- Futhi nezinye izizathu eziningi
Yiqiniso, akuzona zonke lezi zizathu ezizoqhubeka enkantolo. Kodwa izinkantolo zingase zikhanye abazali ngokuphindaphindiwe bephendukela enkantolo ukuze baxazulule izingxabano ezincane-ngakho-ke kunesithakazelo sakho ukuzama ukuxazulula le nkinga ngeyokuqala kwakho ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isinyathelo. Ake sihlole izinketho zakho.
Okufanele ngikwenze
- Bhala phansi ukukhathazeka kwakho. Gcina i-log yezinto okwenzekayo njalo lapho uvunyelwe ukuvakashelwa. Ngisho noma inkinga ixazululwa ngaphambi kosuku lwakho olulandelayo lwenkantolo, kubalulekile ukugcina amadokhumenti asesikhathini sokusekela ingane yakho noma icala lokuvakashela.
- Khuluma ne-ex yakho . Thola ukuthi kungani ephika ukuvakashelwa nokuthi ungenzani ngakho. Kungcono ukuhlela i-aphoyintimenti lapho obabili ongakhuluma khona ngokukhululekile ngaphandle kokuzwa izingane zakho. Isibonelo, hlangana imizuzu engama-30 esitolo sekhofi ukuze uthole ukuthi yiziphi izinkinga zokuvakashelwa ozibonayo.
- Khuluma noma yini ekulungiswayo . Uma ukukhathazeka kwakho kwangaphambili kuqondile futhi 'kulungiswa,' yenza okusemandleni akho ukuxazulula le nkinga. Isibonelo, ukungeza ukuthungela embhedeni wesine oneminyaka emine kuyisicelo esizwakalayo. Uma i-ex yakho igxile ukuthi izingane zakho azizenzele izindlu zokulala noma zilele ematendeni emoyeni, zikhulume nganoma yiziphi izinhlelo ofuna ukuzithuthela endaweni enkulu noma lokho okwenzayo ukuze wenze 'ikamu' phansi kumnandi futhi kuphephile okwesikhashana.
- Chaza imingcele nabalingani abasha . Uma ngabe ex yakho idangele ukuthi uthanda umuntu omusha ochitha isikhathi nabantwana, khuluma nganoma yikuphi okulindelwe ukunquma ukuthi kunengqondo yini nokuthi yini engekho. Ngenkathi ungase ungafuni ukunciphisa ubuhlobo, ukuthuthukisa uhlelo olucacile, olwenziwe ngokwengeziwe lokuthi ingane yakho izochitha isikhathi esingakanani nomlingani wakho omusha-futhi lapho-ingasiza ekunciphiseni izinkathazo zasemakhaya futhi uvuselele ukwethembeka kwakho.
- Cabanga ngesenzo somthetho . Uma ungenalo ukugcinwa kwezingane ezisemthethweni kanye nokuhlelwa kokuvakasha kwifayela ngezinkantolo, kungase kube yisikhathi sokufometha ngokusemthethweni amalungelo okuvakasha. Uma unikezwe ukuvakashelwa kakade enkantolo, futhi i-ex yakho iphika kakhulu amalungelo akho wokuvakasha, sekuyisikhathi sokwandisa izindaba nokubiza amaphoyisa.
- Shayela amaphoyisa . Ezimweni eziningi, amaphoyisa ngeke athathe izinhlangothi. Esikhundleni salokho, bayothatha amanothi, okuyinto izinkantolo ziyoba nethuba lokubuyekeza. Kubalulekile ukuqonda lokhu ngaphambi kokwenza ucingo ukuze ungakhathazeki futhi uthukuthele lapho amaphoyisa efika futhi ekutshela ukuthi akukho okuningi abangakwenza ngaphandle kokufaka umbiko. (Okokugcina okudingayo ngumbiko othi uyathukuthela futhi uthukuthele-kungakhathaliseki ukuthi leyo mizwa ingasebenza kangakanani.) Igama eliqaphile: lungele ukukhombisa lezi zikhulu ikhophi yenkantolo yakho. Ngaphandle kwalo, bangase bangafaki ngisho nokubika umbiko.
- Fayela ukunyakaza . Uma ukuhanjelwa kokuvakasha sekuba iphethini, kufanele futhi ufake i-motion enkantolo. Lapha unezinto ezimbili ongakhetha kuzo: fayela ukunyakaza, okuyisisekelo sokuthi u-ex wakho uyadelela inkantolo ngokuphula umthetho okhishwe ngaphambilini. Noma, ungafaka isicelo sokucela inkantolo ukuthi iguqule i-oda, iphoqelele ukuhleleka, noma inikeze izigwebo ngokuya kwakho ukuze uvikele lo mkhuba ukuqhubeka. Ngisho noma ijaji lingakuqondisi, izikhathazo zakho zizobhalwa ngokusemthethweni. Ngokuvamile, kungcono ukubonisana nommeli onolwazi, oqeqeshiwe wezingane ngaphambi kokuthatha lesi sinyathelo.
I-Parental Alienation Syndrome
Asikwazi ukuxoxa ngendaba yomzali oyedwa ophika ukuhambela komunye ngaphandle kokukhuluma ne-Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Lena iphethini lokungavumi nje ukuxhumana kodwa futhi ithonya elibi umbono womntwana womzali. Ake ucabange ukuthi uneziphambeko zakho ezimbi kakhulu-bese-ezinye zingene ezingqondweni zezingane zakho, kuze kube yilapho zikholelwa khona futhi zamukele ukulahlekelwa othintana nabo njengokwabo. Lokho kuyi-Parental Alienation Syndrome, kanti ngenkathi kungekho izibalo ezinokwethenjelwa ezichaza ukuthi bangaki abazali abawela isisulu se-PAS, ngikholwa ukuthi sekusabalalisa kakhulu kunalokho esingacabanga. Yingakho kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi ungabi ne-badmouth yakho yangaphambili kubantwana bakho noma ngaphandle kokuvakashelwa enkantolo. Uma ukholwa ukuthi uyisisulu se-PAS, udinga ukuqasha ummeli-mhlawumbe owodwa onolwazi lokuphatha amacala we-PAS.
Okufanele Ukwenze Lapho Inkantolo Inqaba Ukuvakashelwa
Siphendule ukuthi senzeni uma ukuphika kwakho ukuphika ukuvakashelwa, kodwa kuthiwani ngezinkantolo? Yini ongayenza ngaleso sikhathi? Ingabe kukhona okunye ongakwenza ukuze uphinde uthole isikhathi nezingane zakho? Yebo. Into yokuqala okudingeka uyenze ihambisana nomyalelo-zonke izingxenye zayo. Uma inkantolo ithi udinga ukuthatha amakilasi omzali, thatha futhi ufake isitifiketi sokuqedwa enkantolo ukuze ubonise ukuthobela kwakho. Uzofuna ukuthola ummeli uma ungenayo kakade. Futhi khumbula ukuthi ngenkathi lokhu kulungiswa kuphazamisa, akuyona igama lokugcina. Kukhona izizathu zokuhlala unethemba ukuthi njengoba usebenza ngalezi zinyathelo uzokwazi ukuphinde uvakashe njalo nezingane zakho.