Indlela yokutshela uma unikeza ingane yakho kakhulu, maduzane, futhi isikhathi eside kakhulu
Wake wake wazibuza ukuthi uyaphulukisa ingane yakho? Njengabazali, sifuna ukuba khona ukuze sisize izingane zethu ngangokunokwenzeka futhi sibanike izinto esingase singazange sibe nazo njengezingane. Sifuna ukuqinisekisa ukuthi izidingo zabo zihlangene nokuthi sibahlinzeka ngezimo ezingcono kakhulu zokubasiza ukuba bakhule babe nempilo futhi bajabule.
Noma kunjalo, ucwaningo olukhulayo lubonisa ukuthi uma abazali benza okuningi - ikakhulu uma benza izinto ezinganeni okufanele bazifundele zona - singase sibangele ukulimaza.
Imiphumela yezingane eziphuza ngokweqile akuyona into enhle: Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukuphuza ngokweqile kuholela ekuziphatheni komuntu siqu, ukuhaha nokungafuni ukubhekwa ngezenzo, ukubiza nje ezimbalwa izici ezingathandeki ezitholakala ezinganeni nakubantu abadala abakuthola kakhulu, kaningi kakhulu.
Esinye isizathu esenza sibone ukukhuphuka kwengane ngokweqile kungukuthi ngokuvamile, sinabantu abanenzuzo ngaphezu kwezizukulwane ezidlule. Abazali abakhulisa izingane ezincane eminyakeni engama-50 edlule, isibonelo, abazange bakhule ngezinsiza abazali bezingane ezincane namuhla, kusho uDavid Bredehoft, Ph.D., uprofesa osuka e-Concordia University, eSt. Paul, MN. Futhi abazali abahlala e-US nakwamanye amazwe athuthukile nabo baphumelela kangcono kunamazwe aswele. UDkt. Bredehoft uthi: "Siphila eminyakeni yobudala." "Ngisho nemindeni yethu empofu kakhulu ingcono kunalokho, kusho, umkhaya ohlala endlini yokuhlala e-Afrika."
Kuyini ukuphuza ngokweqile?
Ngaphambi kokuba sihlolisise ukuthi ngabe siphuza izingane zethu ngokweqile noma cha, kuyasiza ukwazi ukuthi yini efaneleka njenge-overindulgence. Encwadini yakhe ethi "Kakhulu Kangakanani Kakhulu? Ukukhulisa izingane ezibonakalayo ezibonakalayo, ezinomthwalo wemfanelo, ezihloniphekile - Kusukela ezinsaneni kuya ezintsheni - Esikhathini Esiyinhloko Yokudakwa ngokweqile," okubhaliwe noJean Illsley Clarke, PhD noConnie Dawson, PhD, uDkt Bredehoft futhi abambisene naye babone izinhlobo ezintathu zokuphuza ngokweqile: ukunikeza izingane kakhulu (amathoyizi, imisebenzi, njll); phezu kokukhulisa (ukwenza okuthile kumntanakho ukuthi kufanele azenzele yena); kanye nesakhiwo esithambile (ukungabi nemithetho, hhayi ukuphoqelela imithetho, noma ukungafuni izingane ukuba zenze imisebenzi yasekhaya).
Ukweqa ngokweqile kungathatha uhlobo lunye noma inhlanganisela yalezi zinhlobo.
Amanye amaqiniso athakazelisayo mayelana nokuphuza ngokweqile, ngokusho kwabalobi be- How Much Is Too Much :
- Kuvamile namuhla kunanini ngaphambili.
- Kuvela enhliziyweni enhle - umzali ofuna ukwenza okungcono kakhulu kwengane yakhe.
- Kungalimaza izingane ngokuzibeka phansi ukuze zihluleke futhi zingabangela ubuhlungu.
- Akukhona nje ngamathoyizi amaningi noma amalungelo amaningi kakhulu - angase abe ukunaka kakhulu futhi imingcele embalwa kakhulu.
- Kungenzeka kunoma yiliphi izinga lokuthola imali - akuyona nje imindeni ecebile eyenza.
- Kungabonakala futhi kushintshwe, futhi ngisho nabantu abadala abadlulele ngokweqile bangabuyiselwa.
Ingabe Uqapha Ingane Yakho?
UDkt. Bredehoft kanye nozakwabo bakhulisa ithuluzi, elibizwa ngokuthi i-Test of Four, ukusiza abazali ukuba baqaphele ukuthi bangabe bengabe bengaphezu kwengane. Lezi yimiphi imibuzo emine okufanele uzibuze yona:
- Ingabe ingena endleleni yokuthuthukiswa kwengane? UDkt. Bredehoft uthi: "Ngokwesibonelo, uma umzali ethwala ingane yakhe eneminyaka engu-4 enkulisa, ingane ingase idinge ukunakwa ngaphezu kontanga yakhe ekilasini lakhe," kusho uDkt. Bredehoft.
- Ingabe isebenzisa inani elingavumelani lemithombo yomndeni? Uma unikeza ingane yakho izinto, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisikhathi, imali, amandla, noma okunye okunye, ingabe unikela ingane yakho kakhulu kunakho noma ungakwazi ukuyikhokhela futhi ukwenza kanjalo ngenkathi ugcina kancane kwezinye izidingo zomndeni?
- Izidingo zakho ohlangabezana nazo? Ingabe wenza lokho okwenzela wena noma kumntanakho?
- Ingabe ichitha noma ilimaze abanye ngandlela-thile?
Ukuthi Ukuqapha Kakhulu Kungalimaza Kanjani Izingane
Abazali abangakwazi ukubona ukuziphatha kwabo kokubeletha okukhonjiswe kunoma yikuphi okungenhla bangase bafune ukubheka kanzima ukuthi bangenzani ukuze bajikeleze izinto. Ngaphandle kokuthi ukuhlala nomntwana ophuthumayo kungase kungabi mnandi, ukusho okungenani, izingozi zokuphuza ngokweqile zihlanganisa izingane ezinenkathazo nalokhu okulandelayo: ukufunda ukulinda ukuthola into abayifunayo (ukulibazisa ukulibaziseka), hhayi isikhungo esihlala njalo ukunakwa, ukuzikhathalela, ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo, nokukwazi okwanele.
Ukweqa ngokweqile nakho kungenza izingane zingabongi. Uma ingane iphuka noma ilahlekelwa ithoyizi noma abangabanikazi nabazali bashintshe izinto ngokushesha, lowo mntwana ulahlekelwa ithuba lokusebenza kanzima ukuze alithathe isikhundla futhi azizwele ngokuzikhandla ngenxa yokuthi ufeze umgomo, kusho uDkt. Bredehoft. Akukhona nje lokho, izingane ezingaphezulu kakhulu ezingakwazi ukulibala ukuzithokozisa, futhi lokho kuholela ekuthandeni izinto ezibonakalayo nokungaqiniseki.
Ekwenzeni abantwana abathokozelayo: I-Science of Character Building nguJeffrey J. Froh noGiacomo Bono, abacwaningi bafunda abafundi abangaphezu kuka-1 000 esikoleni esiphakeme esikoleni esiphakathi kweminyaka engu-14 no-19 futhi bathola ukuthi abathandi bezinto ezibonakalayo babheka izinto ezibonakalayo ukuba zibe yimbangela yenjabulo yabo, babe namamaki aphansi, babe nomona ngabanye, futhi banelisekile kakhulu ngempilo yabo. Intsha eyayigxile ekubongeni hhayi ezintweni ezibonakalayo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, yayinezigaba eziphakeme, yayingaba nomona ngabanye, yayishukumiseleka kakhulu ukusiza abanye, futhi yayijabule kakhulu.
Ukweqa ngokweqile kungathinta ngisho nezinjongo zezingane ekuphileni. Ngokusho kukaDkt. Bredhehoft, ucwaningo lwakhe lubonise ukuthi izingane eziphuthumayo zifisa kakhulu ukufezekisa imigomo yokuphila njengemali, udumo, nesithombe-- i-influlux run amok. Imigomo ababeyifunayo okungenani yayihlanganisa izinto ezifana nobuhlobo obuhle nomunye umuntu, ukukhula komuntu siqu, nokunikela emphakathini noma emphakathini wabo.
Indlela Yokuqapha (noma Yeka) Ukuphuza ngokweqile
Ngakho-ke abazali bangenzani ukuze baqaphe ukubhema ngokweqile noma bayeke ukwenza okungaphezu kwengane yabo? Nazi ezinye iziphakamiso ezivela kuDkt. Bredehoft:
Ngabe Kuningi Kangakanani? , abalobi babonisa indlela ebonakalayo ewusizo kakhulu yokuboniswa kobuzali abayibiza ngokuthi "Umgwaqo WokuNgeza." "Umgwaqo omkhulu" ukhiqiza izindlela zokunakekela ingane kulezi zigaba eziyisithupha ezilandelayo: ukunakekelwa okuhlukumezayo, ukunakekelwa okunemibandela, ukunakekelwa okuqinisekisayo, ukunakekelwa okusekelayo, ukunxusa ngokweqile, nokunganaki. Lezi zinhlobo ezimbili zokunakekelwa okungcono kakhulu ziqinisekisa futhi zisekela, futhi zombili lezi ziboniswa njengendlela emgwaqweni omkhulu. Umbandela kanye nokugcwala ngokweqile kuboniswa njengamahlombe, nokukhathazeka nokuhlukunyezwa okusemthethweni emigodini yocala lomgwaqo omkhulu. (Ukunakekelwa okungahambi kahle kuyobe kumemeza ingane ngokucela umdlalo nokungahoxisi kungaba ukuthenga lo mdlalo ngaphandle kokwazi ukuthi ingane isivele isichitha isikhathi esiningi emidlalweni yevidiyo.)
Abalobi baveza izibonelo, ezifana nengane ecela umdlalo wevidiyo omusha obizayo, futhi ubonise ukuthi izimpendulo ezahlukene - ethi ingane ingaba nomdlalo uma eyeka ukucela (okunemibandela) noma ukuthenga umdlalo obiza kakhulu (ukuphuza ngokweqile) isidingo lungiswa ukuze ubuyele emgwaqweni omkhulu. Kulesi sibonelo, izinketho ezingcono ziya esitolo futhi zivumela ingane ukuba ibe nayo uma ingenabo ubudlova futhi uma umzali enquma ukuthi ingane ayinayo imidlalo eminingi kakhulu kakade futhi ingakwazi ukuyikhokhela (ukufakazela) noma ukutshela ingane ukuthi uma ithola lo mdlalo, ngeke ibe nemidlalo yokuzalwa kwakhe noma uKhisimusi nethando kodwa kuyiqiniso ukucela ingane ukuba iqiniseke ukuthi yilokho ayifunayo ngaphambi kokuyithenga (ukusekela).
Amanye amacebo wokuzama:
- Nikeza izingane imisebenzi . Ukubeka izingane imisebenzi yansuku zonke, njengokuthatha izinto zabo noma ukusiza ukususa izitsha (izinto ngisho nezingane ezincane ezingakwenza) zinika izingane izinzuzo eziningi, kubandakanya ukwakha isithunzi nokuzifundisa ukucabanga ngabanye. Futhi uma izibonelelo ziboshelwe imisebenzi, zingasiza ukufundisa izingane ngokubaluleka kwemali nokuthi kusho ukuthini ukusebenzela.
- Hlela ukulindela kokubonga . Menze umkhuba wokubonga uma ummdla, umyisa emsebenzini, noma umnike izingubo zokuhlanza ezihlanzekile. Ngabe ubhala amanothi okubonga uma ethola izipho noma uma othile enza into enhle kuye. Uma esengumkhuba wokubonga ngemigomo yansuku zonke, uzogcina ngokuzenzakalelayo.
- Mfundise ukuba anakekele izinto zakhe. Uma elahlekelwa noma ephule okuthile ngoba engenandaba nayo, menze enze imisebenzi eyengeziwe eduze kwendlu ukuze ayibeke esikhundleni.
- Thola wonke umndeni ohilelekile emisebenzini yokusiza noma yokusiza. Siza ukwenza amasangweji esontweni, sisize ukuhlanza ipaki yangakini, noma unikeze izinto ezindala nezangena ezindlini zokukhosela zomndeni. Kunemibono eminingi ngezindlela izingane ezingakwazi ukuzithandela futhi ingane yakho izofunda ngezidingo zabanye (futhi ujabulele ngalokho anakho) njengoba ekhula ibe umuntu onesizo .
- Qala kancane. Uma usuqaphele izinhlobo zezinto ongayenza ukuba ingane yakho ingabikho kokuphuza ngokweqile, qala ngokushintsha indawo eyodwa ngesikhathi. Isibonelo, uma ingane yakho isiphelile noma isetshenziswe ngokweqile noma ingenalo isakhiwo esanele, kancane kancane uqale ukwenza izinguquko. Isibonelo, uma uke walala ngesikhathi sokulala, usethe isikhathi esingenakuxoxisana futhi unikeze izibonelelo zemicimbi ekhethekile yesikhashana. Uma uke uthenge amathoyizi engeziwe wengane yakho ukuze uhlawulele ukusebenza ngokusebusuku obusuku obuningi kakhulu, yiza uhlelo oluhlukile lokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye futhi ugxila ezintweni ezibonakalayo.
Uma usuqala ukwenza izinguquko ukuze usize ingane yakho ibe isizimele ngokwengeziwe, inomthwalo wemfanelo futhi igxile emndenini nabangane (kunokuba ube nezinto ezibonakalayo), uzoqala ukubona ingane enokuzethemba, enomusa , enhle ekwenzeni abangane , hhayi ephangwa , uziqhenya yena, futhi ujabule.