Ucwaningo lubonisa izimbangela, imiphumela yezimpikiswano zomndeni
Ukuhlukanisa ngokomzwelo. Ukuphela kokuxhumana. Impi ebandayo. Ukuhlukaniswa komndeni kungachazwa ngezindlela eziningi. Ngenxa yokuthi ivame kangaka futhi kunzima ukukhuluma ngakho, abanye baye bakubiza ngokuthi ubhubhane buthule. Kodwa ngenxa yokuthi akuvamile ukukhuluma ngakho, ngokuvamile akuqondwa kahle.
Ukuhlukaniswa akudingeki ukuba kube unomphela, okuhlala isikhathi eside noma ngisho nokuntuleka kokuxhumana okuphelele.
Inhlolovo yakamuva yaseBrithani ichaza ngokuthi "ukwehlukana kobudlelwane obusekela phakathi kwamalungu omndeni," futhi leyo ncazelo ibamba ukuhlukunyezwa komndeni: Labo okufanele baxhase, musa. Labo okufanele babe ngakini, abangekho.
Abazali abalahlekelwa ukuthintana nezingane ezikhulile bayahlupheka. Kodwa uma izingane zabo ziba nezingane, ziphinde zilahlekelwe ukuxhumana nabazukulu, futhi lokhu kusho ukushaya kwenhliziyo kabili.
Bika Ukuhlanganiswa Komndeni
Abantu abangaphezu kwabangu-800 banikeze isandla kwi "Amazwi Efihliwe: Ukuhlanganiswa Komndeni Ekukhuleni," umkhiqizo ohlangene weSikhungo Sokucwaninga Komndeni eYunivesithi yaseCambridge (UK) kanye ne-Stand Alone inhlangano yokusiza. (Womabili amakhasi aqukethe izixhumanisi ku umbiko ogcwele.)
Abahlanganyeli babandakanya abazali abahlukaniswe nezingane zabo kanye nezingane zabo ezihlukaniswe nabazali babo, okwenza kube lula ukuhlukaniswa kwezizukulwane ezivela emiphakathini emibili ehlukene.
Lo mbiko uphinde ukhulume ngokungafani komuntu, kepha leyo sihloko ayifanele kakhulu kunogogo nomkhulu.
Iqembu elibamba iqhaza laliyingxenye yesigamu saseBrithani, nesisele esivela e-United States nakwamanye amazwe. Leli qembu lalihlelekile kakhulu ezinkomba ezifana nobudala, isimo somshado, ukuhlangana kwenkolo kanye nezinga lemfundo.
Abaphenduli bekunamaphesenti angama-89% nabangu-88% abamhlophe.
Izindlela Zokuziphatha Ngobulili Ekuhlanganiseni Komndeni
Abanye abasabelayo babika ukuthi bahlukaniswe nomama kunabobaba noma kubazali bobabili. Abazali abaningi babika ukuthi bahlukaniswe namadodakazi kunamadodana. Ngokuthakazelisayo, noma kunjalo, ukuhlukaniswa kwabesilisa kubonakala kunesikhathi eside kunokuhlala ngaphandle kwabesifazane. Ukuhlukaniswa kobaba kusukela eminyakeni engama-7.9, kanti ukuhlukaniswa kwamantombazane kuneminyaka engama-5.5. Abazali babika ukuhlukunyezwa emadodaneni ahlala ephakathi kweminyaka engu-5.2, ngokulinganiselwa eminyakeni 3.8 yamadodakazi.
Ukuhlukana kobudlelwane kwakungenzeka ukuba kube phakathi kwezihlobo zesifazane kunezihlobo zesilisa. Lapho ababambiqhaza bebuzwa mayelana nobudlelwane abahamba nabo ngebhayisikili nangaphandle, abangama-29% kuphela kulabo ababika ngobudlelwane nomama bathi akukho mijikelezo, okusho ukuthi umlando ongenamkhawulo wokuhlukaniswa, kanti u-21% wabika imijikelezo emihlanu noma ngaphezulu. Kulabo ababika ngobudlelwane nobaba, ama-36% abika akukho mijikelezo, kanti kuphela 16% bathi kukhona imijikelezo emihlanu noma ngaphezulu.
Iphethini elifanayo labonwa namadodakazi namadodana. Phakathi kwalabo ababika ukuhlukaniswa kwamadodakazi, 37% babike ukuthi akukho ngebhayisikili ngaphakathi nangaphandle kobudlelwane.
Ngolunye uhlangothi, 20% abike imijikelezo emihlanu noma ngaphezulu. Phakathi kwalabo ababika ukuhlukaniswa kwamadodana, 41% abike akukho imijikelezo, futhi kuphela 11% abike imijikelezo emihlanu noma ngaphezulu.
Lokhu okutholakele kuyahambisana nokucwaninga mayelana nezingxabano zesifazane nowesifazane. Ekulweni, abesilisa bathambekele ekusebenziseni isu "ukulwa noma indiza", futhi ukuxabana komndeni ngokuvamile kuholela ekukhethweni "kwezindiza," okusho ukuthi abesilisa bavame ukuhoxisa empini. Ngenxa yokuthi owesilisa wenqabe ukuzibandakanya, ukuhlukaniswa kwesikhashana kufana nokuhlala isikhathi eside futhi kungenakwenzeka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane abacindezelayo, bavame ukuba nomthelela "wokuthambekela nokuziphatha".
Babhekana nokucindezeleka ngokufuna ukusondelana nabanye. Ngakho uma beyeka ubudlelwane nesihlobo, bangase bazizwe bancindezelwe kakhulu ukuvuselela ubuhlobo.
Izizathu Zokuzihlanganisa
Kungani ubuhlobo phakathi kwabantwana abadala nabazali babo behlukana? Kuxhomeke kulelophi iqembu oyicelayo.
Embikweni waseBrithani, labo abahlukaniswe nabazali babo babika izingqinamba ezine ezithinta ubudlelwane babo bobabili boomama nobaba: ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, ukwehluka okuhlukile ngemisebenzi yomndeni, ukuxabana okusekelwe kubuntu noma izinhlelo zokubaluleka nokunganaki. Labo abahlukaniswa nomama nabo baphinde babhekane nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo, kanti labo abahlukanisiwe nobaba babhekisela emcimbini womndeni osengozini.
Labo abahlukaniswa nezingane zabo bakhulume izimbangela ezintathu ezazivame kokubili amadodana namadodakazi: okulindelekile okuphathelene nezindima zomndeni, izinkinga ezihlobene nokuhlukaniswa, kanye nesenzakalo esibuhlungu. Labo abahlukaniswa namadodakazi nabo babika izinkinga zempilo yengqondo nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo. Labo abahlukaniswe ngamadodana babika izinkinga eziphathelene nomshado nezinkinga eziphathelene nemindeni.
Ukwelashwa okugcwele kweminye yalezi zinkinga kungabonakala ku-Abantwana Abadala Abahlukanisa Abazali Babo.
Ngubani osusa ukuxhumana okungaxhunyiwe
Endaweni eyodwa yocwaningo, isizukulwane esidala nesizukulwane esincane sivumelana. Lona ngumbuzo othi ubani oqhelile othintana naye. Izizukulwane ziyavumelana ukuthi amalungu esizukulwane esincane avame ukuhamba. Abangaphezu kuka-50% kulabo abahlukaniswe nomzali bathi banquma othintana naye. Kuphela ku-5-6% kulabo abahlukaniswe nendodana noma indodakazi bathi bahamba.
Ngaphandle kokunikezela umthwalo wokuhlukumeza, abaphendulayo bangakhetha futhi "sinciphisa oxhumana nabo" noma "Angiqiniseki."
Ukukwazi Ukubuyisana
Kwesinye isigaba senhlolovo, abaphenduliwe babuzwa ukuthi baphendule esitatimendeni, "Asikwazi ukuphinde sibe nobuhlobo obusebenzayo futhi."
Abantwana abadala abahlukaniswe nabazali bavumelane nesitatimende. Ngokuphathelene nokuhlukaniswa komama, 79% kulabo abaphendulayo abavunyelwene noma abavumelene ngokuqinile. Ngokuphathelene nobaba, 71% bavumelana noma bavumelana ngokuqinile.
Abazali abahlukanisiwe nabantwana babo abadala baveza isithombe esihlukile. Labo abahlukanisiwe namadodakazi avunyelwene noma bavumelane ngokuqinile kuphela ngo-14% wesikhathi. Labo abahlukanisiwe ngamadodana avunyelwene noma bavumelane ngokuqinile ngo-13% wesikhathi.
Kungani Ukungafani Phakathi Kwezizukulwane?
Kungani izingane ezindala zivame ukuqeda othintana nabo futhi zingavunyelwe ukubuyisana? Ucwaningo aluzange lubhekane nalolu daba, kodwa izimpendulo zingase zilele emcimbini wemibuthano yomndeni.
Izibopho zabazali nezingane zabo yizona ziqine kunazo zonke abazobhekana nazo, ngaphandle kokungabikho kobudlelwano nabalingani, futhi izikhathi eziningi izibopho zabazali ziba namandla kunamathelethi kubalingani noma abashade nabo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, izingane zinezibopho eziqinile nabazali, kodwa esimweni sokwemvelo, zinezingane zodwa, futhi izibopho zabo nezingane zabo ziba namandla kunabo bonke abazobhekana nazo.
Izingane zihlala njalo ezingxenyeni eziyinhloko zabazali bazo. Kodwa uma beba nabantwana babo, abazali babo baxoshwa kumbuthano wesibili. Uma ubuhlobo phakathi komntwana omdala nomzali buhlungu, umzali ulahlekelwa ubuhlobo obuyisisekelo futhi ingane ekhulile ilahlekelwa eyesibili. Ngakho ngomqondo othile, ukulahleka komzali kukhulu.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuhlukanisa izingane ezikhulile ngokuvamile kusho ukulahleka kokuxhumana nabazukulu kanye. Ukukhululwa kwabazukulu kubangele ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo.
Yisiphi izingane ezindala ezifunayo
Lapho bebuzwa ngalokho ababekufunayo kubazali babo, izingane ezikhulile zathi zifuna ubuhlobo obuseduze, obuhle futhi obunothando. Ngaphezu kwalokho, babefisa ukuthi omama bazobe bengacabangi futhi bahlulele futhi ukuthi omama bayakuvuma lapho beziphatha kabi. Izingane ezindala zazifisa ukuthi obaba bazoba nesithakazelo esengeziwe ekuphileni kwabo futhi baphakame namanye amalungu omndeni, kuhlanganise nabashade nabo noma abalingani babo.
Izithatha zokugogo nogogo
Lapho usebenzelana namadodakazi, izinkinga ezingokomzwelo ziyisisekelo. Ugogo nomkhulu kufanele bazame ukuhlinzeka ngokusekelwa ngokomzwelo, ukunciphisa idrama futhi bangabaluleki kakhulu.
Lapho usebenzisana namadodana, ubuhlobo namanye amalungu omndeni buyisisekelo. Ugogo nomkhulu kufanele balwele ukuhambisana nomkwenyana wabo noma umlingani wabo kanye nomalokazana wabo.
Futhi, ukungezwani komndeni akudingeki kube unomphela. Ngisho noma izingane ezindala zingase zithi azizimisele ukuvuselela ubuhlobo, izibalo mayelana nokuhamba ngebhayisikili nokuphuma ngaphandle zisho ukuthi ngokuvamile zizimisele ukunikeza abazali babo ithuba elilodwa.
Kuya kubazali abahlukanisiwe ukwenza lezo zithuba zibale.