Incwadi Enkulu Yokubeletha Ukufundisa Isiyalo Esiphumelelayo
Abanye abazali banenhlanhla yokuba nengane elula, ozimisele ukujabulisa, okwenza isiyalo sibe lula. Labazali bangase bangadingi ngisho nokufunda amasu okuziphatha okuphumelelayo, ngoba ingane yabo iyavumelana, nokuthi ngisho nokusebenza okungenakusebenza kusebenza.
Ukuyala ingane enamandla kakhulu
Abazali bomntwana onzima noma onamandla-abanakho abanakho ukunethezeka.
Izingane zabo zivame ukuphikisana ngazo zonke izinto futhi zivivinye abazali babo ngokuphindaphindiwe, okwenza isiyalo nokuphila kwansuku zonke kube nzima kuwo wonke amalungu emndenini.
Ngivame ukubona abazali 'abangazi ukuthi yini enye okufanele bayenze' nengane yabo. Bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi 'bazama konke.' Isikhathi sokusebenza asisebenzi, ngoba 'uyasula ikamelo lakhe.' Ukuthatha amalungelo akusebenzi, ngoba 'akukho lutho olusalayo alufunayo noma olukukhathalelayo cishe. ' Futhi imizamo eminingi yokuziphatha iyaba izingxabano noma impi yokulwa.
Ngalesi sikhathi, abazali bangabonakalisa ukuthi benza okuthile okungalungile, abakwazi ukukuqonda, ikakhulukazi uma benomunye ingane eziphatha kahle, noma bayithatha futhi bacabanga ukuthi ingane yabo 'iyayenza ngenhloso.' Ngokuvamile, akunjalo.
Abanye abazali baqhubeka benemibono efanayo kanye nezimpikiswano zansuku zonke, benethemba lokuthi ukuziphatha kuyingxenye yesigaba sokuthi ' esabekayo-amabili ' noma isigaba ingane esikhona.
Ngeshwa, ukuziphatha okubi akuvumi ukuhamba bebodwa futhi akuhambanga.
Ukubeka Imingcele Nezingane Zakho Ezinamandla
Nakuba kungasho ukuthi ungumzali omubi noma ukuthi awukwazi ngokwanele mayelana nesiyalo esifanele uma ingane yakho ingalungile, uma lokho okwenzayo kungasebenzi , sekuyisikhathi sokuthola usizo bese uzama into ehlukile .
Incwadi kaDkt. Robert MacKenzie, Ukubeka i-Setting Limits ne-Strong-Willed Child yakho , kuyisisetshenziswa esihle kubazali abafuna usizo ukuze bafunde ukuthi bangaqondisisa kanjani futhi baqondise kahle izingane zabo, ikakhulukazi uma befuna ngamandla noma bangachazwa ngokuthi 'bayinselele , kunzima, kuvutha, kunenkani, ukuphakanyiswa kwesihogo, isibhamu noma into engenakwenzeka.
Ngaphandle kokukusiza ukuthi uqonde ukuthi kungani ingane yakho iziphatha ngendlela ayisebenzisayo, le ncwadi ifundisa ukuthi yiziphi izindlela zokuziphatha okufanele zigweme , kuhlanganise nokungahambisani nokuphindaphinda, ukukhumbuza, ukucabangela, ukuchaza, ukuphikisana, ukuphikisana, ukufundisa, ukusongela, ukujezisa noma ukuphoqa . '
Kungani izingane ezinamandla zifuna ukujeziswa? UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza ukuthi kuvame ukuhambisana nesimo sengqondo somntanakho, okungakhathaliseki ukuthi ingane enesifiso esinamandla, singenza ukuba 'badinga isiqondiso esiningi nesiyalo,' ngoba bavame 'ukufunda ngokuhlukile' kanye 'nesidingo sokuba ukuzwa imiphumela yezinqumo zabo nokuziphatha kwabo. ' Futhi, ngoba izindlela zokuziphatha ezivamile azivame ukusebenzisana nalezi zingane, zingabonisa ukuphendula okukhulu kwabazali nokuziphatha kwazo kungaba nzima ukuyiqonda.
Uma uqonda ukuziphatha komntanakho, kungenza kube lula ukuqonda ukuthi kungani izici zakho zokuziphatha zingasebenzi futhi kungani ephindaphindiwe 'ukukuhlola'.
Kungasiza futhi ukuqonda ubumnene bakho nokuthi indlela ingane yakho kanye nobumnene bakho bahlangana ngayo. 'Umdlalo omubi' phakathi kwezimpawu zingenza isiyalo sibe nzima nakakhulu. Nakuba ungenakuguqula isimo sengqondo somntanakho, uDkt MacKenzie ubonisa ukuthi ungashintsha kanjani wena (ukuze ungathathi izinkinga zokuziphatha kwengane yakho) nokuthi ungafunda kanjani izindlela 'zokuqondisa' kangcono ukuze kube lula ukuphakamisa ingane yakho enamandla kakhulu.
Ingane Yakho Enamandla
Ifika kanjani ingane yakho ihlukumeza noma inselele imithetho yakho noma ingabe uyayishaya indiva? Ngokuvamile ngoba uzama ukuhlola imithetho yakho, 'ngokucwaninga', ukuze abone ukuthi angayithola kanjani nokuthi yini eyenzela yona.
Uma ukungayinaki umthetho kuyamenza akwazi ukwenza okuthile angafuni ukukwenza, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuhlanza igumbi lakhe noma ukuguqula ithelevishini, khona-ke akakwazi ukulalela. Ngisho noma nje ephuza ukwenza okuthile emizuzwini engu-5 noma engu-10 noma uma unikeza isigamu sesikhathi futhi umvumele ukuba angakwenzi, lokho kuvame ukwanele ukuqinisa ukungahloniphi.
Ngokufunda indlela yokufundisa kangcono imithetho yakho, nokugwema izindlela 'zokuvumela' noma 'ukujezisa,' ungayisiza ingane yakho ukuba ihloniphe imithetho yakho. UDkt. MacKenzie ufundisa ukuthi indlela engcono kakhulu yokufundisa imithetho yakho isebenzisa indlela 'yentando yeningi,' ehlanganisa 'ukulinganisela phakathi kokuqina nokuhlonipha'. Ngokufunda ukubeka imingcele eqinile , nokugwema imingcele elula, ingane yakho izofunda ukuthi kulindeleke ukuba ihambisane nemithetho yakho futhi kufanele ivivinye kaningi.
Kwenzekani uma uzama ukuyala ingane yakho? Uma enesifiso esinamandla futhi usebenzisa imingcele engasebenzi, kungenzeka ukuthi unamathele kuphethini eholela ekumemeza, elwa, ephikisana nokuhambisana kancane. UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza lokhu ngokuthi 'umdanso womndeni,' echaza ngokuthi 'amaphethini okuxhumana okubhubhisa nokuxazulula izinkinga ezidluliselwa ezizukulwaneni ngezizukulwane.' Ukudansa komndeni kuvame ukufaka ukukhuluma okuningi ('izinyathelo zomlomo') uze ufinyelele 'isinyathelo sokusebenza' sakho (njengokungathi isikhathi sokuphuma). Ukuqaphela ukuthi uma uphethiloli kungakusiza ukuba uphume futhi ugweme 'ukunakwa okungalungile,' 'ukuqinisa' nokuthi 'ukuzijabulisa bukhoma' abanikeza ingane yakho.
Ukubeka imikhawulo
UDkt. MacKenzie ufundisa ukuthi isiyalo esisebenzayo siqala ngokunikeza 'umlayezo ocacile, oqinile' ogxile ekuziphatheni okuzama ukulawula hhayi umntanakho, 'oqondile futhi oqondile', unikezwa 'ngezwi lakho elivamile' futhi kufaka phakathi ' imiphumela yokungalandeli.'
Amanye amathuluzi afaka isikhathi esilula, enikeza ukukhetha okulinganiselwe, usebenzisa i-timer futhi ungathathi izinyathelo zomntanakho futhi uthathwe ezingxabanweni noma ezingxoxweni.
Ngaphezu kokusebenzisa imilayezo ecacile, kufanele futhi kucace ngezenzo zakho ukuze wenze imiphumela uma imithetho yakho ingalandelwa. Imiphumela ibalulekile ngoba 'ifundisa ingane yakho enamandla kakhulu ukuba ibuyele emazwini akho, uthathe ngokungathí sina, futhi ubambisane kaningi.' Ziphumelele kakhulu uma zikhona 'ngokushesha,' 'ezihambisanayo,' 'ezihlobene ngokulinganayo,' 'ezilinganiselwe,' futhi 'zilandelwe islate elihlanzekile.'
Izinhlobo zemiphumela zibandakanya imiphumela yemvelo , elandela 'ngokwemvelo kusuka esimweni noma esimweni,' njengokuthi uma ephula ithoyizi, akatholi ukudlala nayo. Ungasebenzisa futhi nemiphumela enengqondo , 'ehlobene ngokuvumelana nesimo noma ukuziphatha,' njengokungakwazi ukugibela ibhayisikili lakhe uma ebanjwa egibele ngaphandle kwesigqoko. UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza izimo eziningi lapho lezi zinhlobo zemiphumela zingasebenza, kufaka phakathi lapho ingane ikhohlwa, ingenandaba, ichitha, ingabambisani nezinye izingane, ingabelani, yenza umonakalo, ingenzi imisebenzi noma umsebenzi wesikole, noma owonakalayo.
UDkt. MacKenzie uphinde uchaze ukuthi ungasebenzisa kanjani isikhathi sokuphuma , kokubili ekhaya nangaphandle kwendlu. Ukhuthaza ukusebenzisa isikhathi sokuphuma 'kokungalungi okungaphezu kokuqapha okufana nokuvivinya okungahloniphi, ukuziphatha okungahloniphi okukhulu, ukuziphatha okubi, ukuziphatha okubi noma ukulimaza.'
Izindatshana ezimbalwa zokugcina zifundisa indlela yokugqugquzela nokufundisa ingane yakho enamandla ukuba ihlanganyele futhi ilandele imithetho yakho ngokugwema imilayezo emibi, futhi esikhundleni salokho, usebenzisa imilayezo emihle, ukuhlola izinqumo, nokuziphatha ngendlela yokulungisa imodeli.
Okufanelekile, abazali kufanele bafunde ukulinganisa Ukubeka Imingcele nezingane zakho ezinamandla ngaphambi kokuba baqale ukuthola izinkinga zokuziphatha ukuze bakwazi ukugwema ukungena 'kumdanso womndeni.' Uma usuvele ukhona, noma nje udinga usizo oluthile lokufundisa ingane yakho ukuba ihloniphe futhi ibambisane nemithetho yakho nemingcele, le ncwadi inakho.
Ngaphandle kokuchaza ngemininingwane ngayinye yamasu aholela ekufundiseni okuphumelelayo okukhulunywe ngenhla, uDkt MacKenzie unikeza iziqondiso ezicacile zokusebenzisa indlela ngayinye. Lokhu kuhlanganisa izibonelo eziningi zalokho okungafanele ukwenze kanye nezimo lapho indlela ngayinye ezoba ngempumelelo kakhulu.
Ukubeka imingcele nakho kulula ukufunda nokuhleleka kahle futhi nginconywa kakhulu kubo bonke abazali, ikakhulukazi uma unesifiso esinamandla noma esinzima.
Isilinganiso : izinkanyezi ezingu-5