Ukwazi ukuthi yisiphi isitayela sokubeletha owela kuso nokuthi kungani
Uhlobo luni lomzali? Yikuphi ongayichaza ngokucacile isitayela sakho sokubeletha - umuntu ofuna nokulawula; umuntu ofudumele futhi ophendulayo; noma umuntu ozitholela izingane zakhe futhi engaqondakali ukuyala? Njengasendabeni ye-Goldilocks ne-Three Bears, enye yalezi zindlela ilula kangcono kunabanye.
Izinhlobo Ezinhlanu Zendlela Yokuzali
Ngama-1960, isazi sezengqondo uDiam Baumrind wabhala iphepha elivulekile elisuselwa ekucwaningweni kwakhe lapho echaza khona izinhlobo ezintathu zezindlela zokubeletha azibhekayo: ukugunyaza, ukuvumela izingane, nokugunyaza.
Ubuzali Bokugunyaza
Abazali abawela ngaphansi kwalesi sigaba sesitayela sokubeletha bavame ukufuna ukulalela okuphelele ezinganeni zabo, kungenjalo uma, futhi, noma izinkomba. Abazali abenza umzali ongokomthetho abakakholelwa ukuthi badinga ukuchaza noma yimiphi imithetho ababekayo, futhi balindele ukuthi izingane zilalele, akukho mbuzo ebuzwayo. Benza intando yabo phezu kwezingane zabo futhi bajezise ngokufudumele noma ukusekelwa. Izingane zabazali abanobukhohlakala ngokuvamile zibonisa ukuzethemba okuphansi , ukucindezeleka, nokwesaba izimo ezintsha.
Ukukhulisa Abazali
Abazali abenza umzali wokuvumela abavumelanga ukuyala noma ukubeka imithetho; abafuni ukuphikisana nezingane zabo bakholelwa ukuthi izingane kufanele ziziphathe ngokwazo. Bafudumele futhi bazizwele ngokomzwelo ezinganeni zabo, okulungile; kodwa banqika ukubeka imingcele noma ukulawula ukuziphatha kwezingane zabo, okungenjalo ngempela. Bazinikela ekufuneni kwezingane zabo futhi banaki ukuziphatha okubi, okungaba nemiphumela emibi yezingane.
Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi izingane ezikhuliswa abazali abavumela ukuvotela, zilahla imithetho nemingcele, zivame ukuba namazinga okuhlukumezeka kanye nengozi ephezulu yokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa njengoba zikhula, futhi zibe nenengozi enkulu yokucindezeleka nokukhathazeka . (Kunengqondo - uma izingane zinganikezwa imingcele futhi zizwe sengathi zinokulawula abazali bazo, kungaba yinto esabekayo futhi ecindezelayo kubo; yilokho ngempela izingane zidinga imingcele nemithetho.)
Ukubelethwa Okugunyazayo
Lesi sitayela sokubeletha "isiphephelo esishisayo kakhulu, hhayi ebandayo kakhulu" lezindlela zokubeletha. Iqukethe izici zokukhulisa izingane ezigunyazayo (abazali babeka imithetho nemingcele, ukuphoqelela imithetho, futhi banikeze imiphumela yezingane uma bengalandeli) kodwa abazali abagunyazayo bayasabela ngokomzwelo futhi bafudumele futhi balalele futhi baxoxe nezingane zabo. Abazali abagunyazayo banikeza izingane inhlonipho futhi balalele (futhi balindele izingane ukuba zenze okufanayo) futhi zikhuthaze izingane ukuba zibe izicabange ezizimele, kodwa azivumeli izingane futhi zilindele ukubambisana nokuziphatha okuhle. Uma izingane zenza okuthile okungalungile, abazali abagunyazayo bazozijezisa ngokuzama ukuqondisa nokufundisa izingane zabo, nokushintsha lokho abakulindele kubantwana kuye ngokuthi isimo nesidingo ngasinye somntwana. Le ndlela yokukhulisa izingane iboniswe ukuholela emiphumeleni engcono kakhulu kubantwana, kuhlanganise nempilo engokomzwelo engcono, amakhono omphakathi, ukuqina okukhulu, nokunamathiselwe okuphephile nakakhulu nabazali babo. (Izinzuzo ezengeziwe zokubeletha okugunyazayo zichazwe ngezansi.)
Ukubeletha Okungaqinisekisiwe
Lesi sitayela sesine, esibonwe ngabacwaningi u-Eleanor Maccoby noJohn Martin, sichaza indlela yokukhulisa abazali, ukungabandakanyeki kokuphila kwezingane zabo, ukufudumala okuncane nokuziphendulela ezinganeni zezimfuno zomzwelo, nokunganeliseki noma ukunganaki ngokwanele ukuyala izingane noma ukuziqondisa.
Ukubeletha okungavumelekile kuhlotshaniswa nemiphumela emibi kakhulu yabantwana: Izingane ezikhuliswe ngale ndlela yokubeletha zivame ukuxoshwa ngokomzwelo, ukukhathazeka futhi zingase zibe yingozi enkulu ekuziphatheni okulimazayo nokuyingozi kanye nokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa.
Izinzuzo Zokukhuliswa Umzali Ogunyazayo - Kungani Lesi Sitayela Somzali Sisebenza
Kuzo zonke izitayela zokubeletha, izingane ezikhuliswe ngesitayela sokugunyaza zokubeletha ziboniswe ukukhombisa imiphumela emihle kakhulu. Ezinye zezinzuzo eziningi zalolu hlelo lwezingane zifaka okulandelayo:
- Baba necala elikhulu, bayakwazi ukuzilawula, futhi bafunde ukwenza izinqumo ezinhle ngokwabo.
- Bahlonipha abantu abadala, abanye abantu, nemithetho.
- Abakhathazeki noma bakhathazeke ngokuthi ubani ophethe ngoba bayazi ukuthi ubani owenza izinqumo ukuqinisekisa ukuthi unempilo futhi ujabule: umama nobaba.
- Bangabantu abanomusa , abanomusa , nabafudumele.
- Bavame ukuba nezinkinga ezimbalwa zenhlalo ngontanga, bahambisane nabafundisi, futhi bathande kakhulu esikoleni.
- Bavame ukuba nezinamathiselo ezivikelekile nobuhlobo obuhle nabazali babo.
- Kungenzeka ukuthi bayamelana nokucindezela kontanga.