Gwema Ukukhuluma Lezi Zitatimende Ezivamile Kodwa Eziyingozi
Sonke sinomzuzwana onzima lapho sabelane ngolwazi olubucayi nomngani, futhi basabela ngento ebuhlungu. Abaningi bethu bebekhona ngaphesheya kwalokhu-umngane ukhuluma nathi, futhi siphendula ngendlela engafanele. Njengoba sibheka ukumomotheka komngane wethu, sizama ukungena ngaphakathi, sizibophe ngokubeka unyawo lwethu emlonyeni wethu.
Amazwi amaningi angenakuqonda awahloselwe ukulimaza. Benziwa ngokungazi noma ngaphandle kwesifiso esinamandla sokusho okuthile okuzokwenyusa umzuzwana onzima.
Sifuna ukuxazulula inkinga yomngane wethu, ukuphulukisa ubuhlungu babo, noma ukukhanyisa isimo ngendlela ehlekisayo.
Esikhundleni salokho, ngokungaqondisi senza izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu.
Uma unomngane noma ilungu lomndeni ongenalutho, uzofuna ukugwema ukusho lezizinto ezingu-12.
Ngabe usho omunye wabo? Ungesabi ukubuyela kumngane wakho bese uxolisa. Kungaba umzuzu wokuphulukisa kokubili kwakho.
1. "Ungakwazi njalo ukwenza IVF."
I-IVF ivame ukubonakala njengendlela yokwelapha-konke okungahambi kahle.
Ayikwazi ukukhulelwa? Vele wenze IVF!
Ngaphandle kwalokho akulula.
Okokuqala, i-IVF iyindlela yokwelapha ebiza kakhulu.
Ngokuvamile akuhlanganiswa nomshuwalense e-United States futhi ngokuvamile kuhlanganiswe kwamanye amazwe.
Umjikelezo owodwa wezokwelapha ungadala noma yikuphi phakathi kuka- $ 12,000 no-$ 25,000.
Noma kunjalo, imijikelezo eminingi ingadingeka ukuze kufinyelele impumelelo. Umbhangqwana ungase futhi udinga amaqanda abanikeli , i-sperm, noma imibungu, noma ngisho ne- surrogate , ebiza kakhulu.
Ucwaningo olulodwa lwathola ukuthi izindleko ezijwayelekile zokwelashwa kwe-IVF ngokuzalwa okuphumelelayo yi-$ 61,377! Kwakuphakeme nakakhulu kwe-IVF ngamaqanda abanikeli, ngo-$ 72,642.
Lezo zinombolo eziphezulu ziwumphumela wemijikelezo eminingi edingekayo ukuze uphumelele.
Okwesibili, i-IVF ayilona ukwelashwa-konke.
Ngisho noma unayo imali, IVF ingase ingaphumeleli.
Kwabesifazane abaneminyaka engaphansi kwengu-35, kune-39.6% kuphela yokuphumelela komjikelezo. Lokhu kuzohluka futhi kuye ngokuthi imbangela yokungasebenzi.
Izinga lokuphumelela kwe-IVF labesifazane abaneminyaka yobudala engama-42 kuya ku-43 liphansi ngo-11.5% ngomjikelezo.
Okwesithathu, akuwona wonke umuntu ofuna ukuhamba ngenqubo yokwelashwa kwe-IVF .
Kuyindlela yokwelapha enonya nangokomzwelo. Nakuba i-IVF ngokuvamile ibhekwa njengokuphephile, akuyona ingozi . Abanye banokuphikisa okungokwenkolo ku-IVF .
IVF akuyona yonke umuntu.
2. "Yamukela nje!"
Ukwamukelwa kungaba yindlela enhle kwabanye abashadile, kodwa akusona isinqumo okufanele senziwe kalula.
Ukuphakamisa ukwemukelwa ngendlela engathandabuzeki kuyayinaki izindleko zezimali nezomzwelo zokutholwa.
Futhi, ukutholwa akuyona njalo kungenzeka.
Kukhona inqubo yokufaka isicelo nokuvunywa kokuthola ingane. Akuwona wonke umuntu ofuna ukumamukela uyodlula inqubo yokuhlola. (Ukungadluli inqubo yokuhlola akusho, ngendlela, ukuthi umuntu ngeke enze umzali omkhulu. Kunzima kakhulu kunalokho.)
Futhi, ukutholwa akukhiphi ubuhlungu bokungakwazi ukuba nezingane eziphilayo. Ukunikeza inketho njengenduduzo akuvamile ukuhamba kahle.
Ukwamukelwa akusithathi indawo yokuba nezingane eziphilayo kepha enye indlela yokwakha umndeni.
3. "Ngithembele, unenhlanhla awunayo izingane!"
Imibhangqwana engaphelele ayinakho. Ubani ongakahlali esitolo sokudlela eduze komndeni omkhulu, othukile? Noma wabekezelela ukuhamba kwezindiza eside eduze nomntwana okhalayo?
Siyazi ukuthi abantwana bayakhala futhi bavuke. Siyazi ukuthi izingane ziyingozi futhi zizwakala. Siyazi ukuthi izimpilo zethu zizoshintsha kakhulu uma sinezingane.
Sicela ungahlehlisi ukulahlekelwa kwethu ngokwenza isibusiso sakho sizwakale njengesiqalekiso.
4. "Udinga ukuphumula. Konke lokhu okucindezelayo kubangela ukungabi namntwana."
Le mythana ivame kakhulu kangangokuthi ngisho nodokotela abathile bayiphinda, kodwa ukucindezeleka kwansuku zonke akubangeli ukwelashwa.
Ucwaningo olukhulu olushicilelwe ku-BMJ lwabheka abesifazane abangu-3 000, abavela emazweni angu-10 ahlukene. Bathola ukuthi izinga eliphezulu lokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo ngaphambi kokuba umjikelezo wezokwelapha ungathinti umphumela.
Ngamanye amazwi, ukuzwa okucindezelekile akuvimbeli umngane wakho ongenalutho ukuba akhulelwe.
Ungase futhi uthande ukucabangela ukuthi yini efika kuqala - ukucindezeleka noma ukungasebenzi?
Ukuzala kwakho inselelo umngane cishe wayengacindezelekile mayelana nokukhulelwa aze athole ukuthi kwakungenzeki ngendlela okufanele.
5. "Mhlawumbe awuhloswanga ukuba ngabazali."
Leli libuhlungu ngempela.
Uma lokhu kuyiqiniso, ubani ongachaza ukuthi kungani abazali ababi nabahlukumezayo bephethe izingane?
Ukufanelekela umsebenzi akucaci ukuthi kuyadingeka.
Akekho owaziyo ukuthi kungani izinto ezimbi zenzeka kubantu abalungile. Sicela ungadlali uNkulunkulu ngokusitshela ukuthi kungani singakakhulelwa.
6. "Kodwa usencane kakhulu! Unesikhathi esiningi sokukhulelwa."
Akusi njalo njalo.
Ukuba omncane akusenzi ukuzivikela ekunganeni, kanti isikhathi asihlali ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Isibonelo, uma owesifazane ehluleka ukuyeka ukwehluleka kwe-ovarian (eyaziwa nangokuthi akakwazi ukuphelelwa yisikhathi kwe-ovarian), isikhathi asikho eceleni kwakhe. Uma esalinde isikhathi eside, cishe uzodinga i-egg donor.
I-Endometriosis ingenye isimo esibhebhezela isikhathi.
Ngesikhathi usencane kakhulu kuvame ukukhulisa amathuba okuthola ukwelashwa kokuzala, akusiyo njalo. Futhi ukuba omncane akukaze kuqinisekiswe impumelelo.
7. "Beka umsebenzi wakho phambi kokuba nomndeni? Tsk, tsk."
Okokuqala, ukuphakamisa ukuthi ukungabi namuntu iphutha lethu alinakuqonda. Ngisho noma kungenzeka kube khona i-tad yeqiniso kulo, nje ungahambi lapho.
Okwesibili, ungacabangi ukuthi asinayo ingane esencane ngenxa yomsebenzi.
Ucwaningo lwabesifazane baseCanada ababesanda kuthola ingane yabo yokuqala bathola ukuthi abesifazane abangaphansi kuka-30 babhekisela emigomweni yemisebenzi njengengxenye ebalulekile yokuhlela umndeni wabo.
Izihloko ezintathu eziphezulu abesifazane abacabangayo ngaphambi kokuba baqale umndeni babesondelene (97%), bazizwa belawula impilo yabo (82%), futhi bazizwa belungele umzali (77%.)
8. "Kuyini into enkulu, usuvele unomntwana."
Ukwelashwa kwesibili- ukuphazamiseka okuza emva kokuba usuvele usumntwana-kuyinto enkulu kubesifazane ababhekana nayo.
Ukuba nengane noma izingane akukhiphi ubuhlungu bokungakwazi ukuthola okuningi, ikakhulukazi uma uhlale ucabanga ukuthi umndeni wakho wesikhathi esizayo ube mkhulu.
Ngaphambi kokuba usitshele ukuthi "siyabonga" ngalokho esinakho, ungacabangi ukuthi asikho.
Abashadile abanesifo sokubeletha okwesibini bayazi ukuthi kuyisibusiso ukuthatha ingane. Kungenzeka uzizwe unombulelo ngalokho onakho futhi udabukile ngalokho ongenzi ngesikhathi esifanayo.
9. "Ngakho-ke, ubani oyiphutha lakhe?"
Ungacabangi ukuthi njengoba sithembele kuwe ukuthi asinamandla ukuthi manje silulungele noma sizimisele ukwabelana yonke imininingwane.
Ukungafaneleki kudinga ukukhulunywa ngezinye, kepha kuseyisihloko somuntu siqu.
Sicela uhloniphe ubumfihlo bethu.
10. "Uma ufuna ngempela ingane, uzobe unayo kakade. Ingqondo yakho cishe ikuvimbela ekukhulelweni."
Uma sikhathazeka ukukhulelwa futhi sinomntwana ngaphezu kwanoma yini, sitshelwa ukuthi asifuni into eyodwa ngokwanele i-punch yangempela emanzini.
Mhlawumbe wathandwa yi- The Secret , kukhona abantu abakholelwa ngempela ukuthi ungakwazi ukuvimbela ukukhulelwa ngokuthi "ungafuni ngempela" ukuthi kwenzeke.
Tshela lokho kubo bonke abesifazane abakhulelwe ababengahlose ukukhulelwa! Akulona iqiniso.
Ngisho noma ngezinye izinto engazi lutho ukuthi owesilisa noma indoda akafuni ukuba nengane, "hhayi ukufuna okwanele" ngeke kubangele ukungabi nabantwana.
Uma lokhu kuyiqiniso, bekungeke kube nesidingo sokulawulwa kokuzalwa .
11. "Kungaba nzima kakhulu. Kungaba umdlavuza."
Lokhu kuyakududuza njengokutshela umngane osanda kushaywa ubaba wakhe, "Yebo, kungaba nzima nakakhulu. Umama wakho noyihlo babengase bafe."
Sicela ungenzi njengamaphoyisa abanozwela, unqume ukuthi ubani ofanelwe uzwela nokuthi ungubani.
Ngokuthakazelisayo, ucwaningo luye lwabona ukuthi ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo okuhlangenwe nakho kwabesifazane abanesifo sokubeletha kufana nokucindezeleka okutholakala umdlavuza, i-HIV, kanye neziguli ezibuhlungu ezingapheli.
Ungafunda ukuthi yini abesifazane besifazane abanomdlavuza kanye nokungabi nabantwana abakuthola kulesi sihloko:
12. "Noma yini oyenzayo, ungayeki. Kuzokwenzeka!"
Ngiyazi ukuthi lokhu kubonakala kuyinto eqinisekisayo ukusho, kodwa ngeshwa, akunjalo.
Inkinga eyodwa ngalokhu yenza kube nokungavinjelwa ukuthi izinto zizosebenza ekugcineni. Iqiniso ukuthi kungenzeka.
Ukutshelwa ukuthi, "Ungakhathazeki, kuzokwenzeka," kuvame ukuhunyushwa ngaphakathi ngokuthi, "Yeka ukukhononda ngoba akuyona into enkulu kakhulu noma kunjalo."
Enye inkinga ngalesi sitatimende kusho ukuthi "ukuyeka" akuyona inketho.
Ukunquma ukuyeka ukwelashwa, noma ngisho nokunquma ukungaphishekeli ukwelashwa nhlobo, ngezinye izikhathi yilokho okudingeka ukuba umbhangqwana uwenze.
Okuningi ngokusekela umngane ongenalutho:
- Izinto 10 Zokuyeka Ukukwenza Uma Ufuna Ukusekela Umuntu ongenalutho
- Ngingawusiza kanjani Umngane ongenalutho?
- Ingabe Abantu Abangenakukhubazeka? Yebo!
- Izinto 10 Zokuyeka Ukuzenzele Uma Uphila Ngenalutho
- Indlela Yokutshela Umngane Ongaphelele Ukhulelwe
Imithombo:
U-Patricia Katz, uJonathan Showstack, uJames F. Smith, uRobert D. Nachtigall, uSusan G. Millstein, uHolly Wing, uMichael L. Eisenberg, uLauri A. Pasch, uMary S. Croughan noNancy Adler. "Izindleko zokuphathwa kokwelashwa: Imiphumela evela enyangeni engama-18 yokutadisha kweqembu." UFertil Steril. 2011 Mashi 1; 95 (3): 915-921.
J Boivin, E Griffiths, CA Venetis. "Ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo kwabesifazane abangenalutho nokuhluleka ukusiza ubuchwepheshe bokuzala: i-metaanalysis yezifundo ezingokwengqondo ezithintekayo." BMJ 2011; 342: d223.
U-Suzanne C. Tough, uMonica Vekved, uChristine Newburn-Cook. "Ingabe Izinto Ezibangela Ukukhulelwa Ukukhulelwa Kuhlukene Ngokomama Womama? Ucwaningo Olusekelwe Emphakathini." J Obstet Gynaecol Can 2012; 34 (1): 39-46