Ukuqaphela umehluko phakathi komqeqeshi onzima nomqeqeshi wokuhlukumeza
Esinye sezimo ezinzima kakhulu ongase ubhekane nazo njengomzali ekubhekaneni nomqeqeshi wendodana noma indodakazi oyisihlukumezayo . Ukwazi izibalo zokuhlukunyezwa nokuhlukunyezwa komuntu, umuntu obhekene nokuthuthukiswa kwezingane noma indodakazi yakho nentuthuko kungaba kuhle kakhulu. Kodwa ngokungafani nalokho okujwayelekile "abahlukumezi besikole," uhlobo lwabantu abahlukumezayo ongaluthola ekuqeqesheni, ekufundiseni, noma ngisho nabazali, kunzima ukubona.
Ngokudabukisayo, abazali abaningi abaqapheli ngisho nokuthi umqeqeshi womfana noma indodakazi yakhe uyamhlukumeza. Esikhundleni salokho, bathembela kubaqeqeshi, futhi bakholelwa ngamanga ukuthi umqeqeshi akayena ojwayelekile, kodwa uyaziqhenya ngokuba nzima futhi ephoqa izingane ukuba ziphumelele. Uma sicabanga ngalesi simo, kunengqondo ukuthi ukuxhashazwa emidlalweni yentsha kungaba nemiphumela ebalulekile. Cabanga ngomntwana ongeyena kuphela ohlukunyezwayo kodwa izibalo zabantu abadala asekela empilweni yakhe ekusekeleni ukuxhashazwa. Uma ungumzali futhi lokhu kunzima ukufunda, sicela ufunde njalo. Ukuxhashazwa ngumqeqeshi kungathinta impilo yendodana yakho noma indodakazi yakho, impilo yonke, nokuthanda kwakhe emdlalweni. Kunemiphumela emibi eminingi yokuxhaphaza . Eqinisweni, izingane eziningi ziyeke ukudlala umdlalo owake wawuthanda ngoba umqeqeshi wayengumuntu omncane. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuhlukanisa phakathi komqeqeshi onzima nomuntu oyisibhamu noma umhlukumezi.
Nazi izibonakaliso eziyisithupha ingane yakho ihlukunyezwa , kulokhu, ikakhulukazi ngumqeqeshi.
Ukuhlukanisa Phakathi Kwabaqeqeshi Abaqeqeshi Namaqeqeshini Abaqhamukayo
Uma ngabe ulalele inkulumo yakho yengane, kungenzeka ukuthi wazibuza ukuthi umqeqeshi wakhe ungumhlukumezi. Uma ungazange ulalele, sicela ulalele futhi! Kodwa ungatshela kanjani ukuthi lowo mqeqeshi ungumhlukumezi, noma kunalokho ungumuntu onesihawu oqinile ngoba ufuna ukubona ingane yakho iphumelele?
Esikhathini sethu samanje "sokulandelana" lapho izinkulungwane zeminyaka zikhulunywa ngokuthi "zithobile," kungaba lula kakhulu ukulahla ukuziphatha okuqinile engxenyeni yomqeqeshi. Abazali abajabulela amavidiyo eminyaka eyizinkulungwane ku-youtube, nakuba ngezinye izikhathi benembile, bangase bangaboni kalula lokho okuziphatha kabi kabi kwengane yabo esikhundleni sokubuza imibuzo edingekayo. Lena yindlela eyodwa kuphela lapho ukuhlukunyezwa kuthinta umndeni .
Nakuba kungase kube nzima ukutshela umehluko, kunezibonakaliso ezicacile ezingahlukanisa umqeqeshi "onzima" nomqeqeshi we-bully. Nazi izinkomba eziyisithupha zokubheka lokho okungase kuvulwe amehlo akho.
Ukusebenzisa kabi ingane yakho
Ukuhlelwa kwezwi okuvela kumqeqeshi, phambi kwabanye, kuyindlela ecacile yokuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi. Isibonelo, umqeqeshi wokuhlukumeza angase akhohlise indodana noma indodakazi yakho phambi kwabanye. Angase futhi akhamuluke, afunge noma ahlabe ngesisekelo esivumelanayo noma enze amahlaya ahlaselayo ngezindleko zomntanakho. Abaqeqeshi abahlukunyezwayo ngamazwi bangase bakhulume ngama-snide noma banikele ngokugxekwa okungalungile ngamakhono noma ingane yakho emdlalweni.
Phakathi naleso sikhathi, umqeqeshi onzima uzonikeza ukugxekwa okwakhayo nesiqondiso. Angase akwenze ngezwi eliqinile, kodwa amagama akalokothi awenze ubuhlungu noma ahlaziye.
Futhi, njalo ngangokunokwenzeka, uzokwenzela esimweni sangasese esingahlaziyi ingane yakho.
Ukugxeka Ingane Yakho Nezinye Abadlali Ngesikhathi Esivamile
Uma umqeqeshi wendodana noma indodakazi yakho esabisa ingane yakho (noma abanye abadlali) njalo, lokhu kuyisibonakaliso sokuhlukunyezwa. Ukuziphatha okungaqiniseki kungabandakanya ukusongela indodana yakho noma indodakazi yakho ngemiphumela emibi njengendlela yokugcina amandla nokulawula phezu kwakhe. Kungase kuhlanganise nokuthinta, ukukhala noma ukwenza izinsongo ukumlimaza emzimbeni lapho enza iphutha.
Uma unamadodakazi, ukuxhashazwa kungase kungabonakali kodwa kungahle kube okulimazayo noma kubi kakhulu.
Ukuphawula okungaqinisekisayo ekusithekeni kungaba njalo njengokulawula njengaleyo ensimini. Ngokufanayo, abaqeqeshi besifazane bangase babonakale bengacacile kodwa bangatholi izindlela zokuxhaphaza abadlali babo.
Ukubuza Ikhono Lengane Yakho Noma Ukuzibophezela KuQembu
Umqeqeshi wokuhlukunyezwa angase abonise ukulawula ngokubuza ukuzinikela kwendodana noma indodakazi yakho eqenjini. Iziqhwaga zivame ukuhlekisa noma zibuze amakhono omdlali ngokumhlupha. Lokhu kungenziwa ngasese noma phambi kwabanye. Umqeqeshi ohlukumezayo angase abeke abanye icala lokulahleka noma amaphutha emdlalweni ngenkathi eqhayisa ngokuthi amakhono abo njengomqeqeshi abhekene nemiphumela emihle. Uma ujwayele ukushintshwa kwecala, qaphela lo mkhuba.
Abaqeqeshi bangabaza ukuzibophezela kwengane yakho eqenjini uma indodana yakho ilahlekelwa imikhuba ngenxa yezibopho zesikole noma izibopho zomndeni. Ungase uzwele nomqeqeshi ofuna ukubeka iqembu kuqala futhi kudinga ukuzibophezela okukhulu. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi ngisho noma ingane yakho ibeka amahora amaningi futhi idela isikhathi sakho, kusengenakwanele kulolu hlobo lomqeqeshi. Ngomqeqeshi wokuhlukumeza, izimo azibalulekile, kuphela ukuthi umqeqeshi uhlala endaweni "eyodwa-up" yokulawula.
Ukuvimbela noma ukuvimbela Impumelelo Yendodana Yakho noma Indodakazi Yakho
Abaqeqeshi banganciphisa noma bavimbe impumelelo yengane. Lokhu kuvame kakhulu phakathi kwabaqeqeshi abahlukumezayo ababeka imigomo engafanele noma iziqondiso zamathimba abo. Ukwenza kanjalo kwandisa ithuba lokuhluleka. Ngaphezu kwalokho, lolu hlobo lomqeqeshi lungabhekisa indodana yakho uma eyazi ukuthi umbuzo uyeza kumlinda noma uma unomndeni omningi emdlalweni. Labaqeqeshi bangase bajezise indodana yakho ngamaphutha angewona noma aphakamise amaphutha adlule ukuze ashintshe icala lokunciphisa isikhathi sokudlala. Kungenzeka ukuthi kwenzeke ukuthi indodana yakho ingenzi ithimba lezinga eliphakeme ngaphakathi kwenhlangano.
Ukuqonda okunye kwalokhu kuziphatha kuyadingeka ukwazi kancane mayelana nezinkinga zobuntu beqoqo le-cluster B. Ucabanga ukuba khona kwamaphesenti angu-10 kuya kwezingu-15 zabantu, izimo ezinjenge-narcissistic personality disorder zingaba nzima ukuyiqonda. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kangakanani ukuqonda ukuthi umqeqeshi wengane yakho wenzani, kungase kuphunyuke. Lokhu kuvame ukuthi abantu abangenabo ukukhathazeka komuntu bacabange ngendlela ehlukile. Ngezici ezijwayelekile, abantu bazwela uzwela nozwela. Ukungabi nozwela komunye umuntu omdala, ikakhulukazi umqeqeshi, akuhambisani nomqondo womzali ozwa uzwela. Nakuba abantu abanempilo bazizwa benecala futhi bezisola, labo abanezinye izinkinga zabo zobuntu abazizwa ngalezi zinkinga, futhi ngenxa yalokho, abazizwa kabi uma bexhaphaza ingane.
Ukukhuluma Okubi Kumntanakho Ngamanye Amaqeqeshini (Ukusakaza Amahemuhemu)
Uma umqeqeshi wendodana noma indodakazi yakho ekhuluma kabi ngendodana yakho kwabanye abaqeqeshi noma esakaza amahemuhemu, vula amehlo akho. Iziqhwaga zivame ukwenza ubude obukhulu ukwenza abanye babonakale bebi. Ngenxa yalokho, bangase bahlebe nabanye noma basakaze amahemuhemu mayelana nokusebenza kwengane yakho, amakhono akhe, ukubeletha kwakho nekusasa lakhe emdlalweni. Umgomo ukuphazamisa impumelelo yendodana yakho nokugcina ukulawula esimweni, ikakhulukazi uma ubike umqeqeshi noma ukhuluma naye ngokuziphatha kwakhe.
Ungalindeli ukuthi umqeqeshi onjengalokhu uzoshintsha uma ebhekene nokuziphatha kwakhe. Kunalokho, uma enesifo somuntu, isikhalazo singathuthukisa ukuziphatha kwakhe, inqubo eyaziwa njengomkhankaso we-smear.
Ukuhlukanisa Ingane Yakho Noma Umndeni Wakho
Abaqeqeshi bokuhlukumezeka bangase bangabandakanyi indodana yakho noma umndeni wakho emphakathini. Bakushiya ohlwini lwezinkampani futhi bangakufaki ekuphumeni kwethimba, ukudla noma imihlangano. Futhi bangase bahlele imikhuba noma ezinye izenzakalo uma bazi ukuthi unenkinga ohlelweni lwakho. Futhi bangase bahambe kuze kube yilapho benqabe ukuvumela indodana yakho ukuba ihlanganyele emidlalweni noma imicimbi.
Yazi ukuziphatha kobudlova
Sizwa okuningi ngokuxhashazwa phakathi kontanga, kodwa ukuxhashazwa kungase kuvele kubaqeqeshi, othisha, noma ngisho nabazali. Eqinisweni, ukuxhashazwa kwabantu abadala endaweni yokuphatha njengabaqeqeshi kungaba nomthelela omkhulu kakhulu. Uphi ingane ukuvula? Uma abazali bakhe bakholelwa abaqeqeshi bakhe, ubani ongakhuluma naye?
Uma ingane yakho ibhekene nanoma yikuphi ukuhlukunyezwa, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi lolu hlobo lokuxhaphaza, ngenkathi luvame, aluyona ingxenye evamile yezemidlalo yentsha. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi okuphindaphindiwe, ukuxhashazwa, ukubiza amagama , ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzimba kanye neminye imisebenzi edehlisa indodana yakho noma indodakazi yakho ngokuphindaphindiwe noma akuyona nje into engalungile noma engalungile kodwa futhi ekugcineni izothatha ingane yakho.
Fundisa Ingane Yakho Ukuqaphela Ukuxhaphazwa (Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi Kuvela Kwezinye Izingane Noma Abantu abadala)
Siza ingane yakho ifunde ukuqaphela ukuxhashazwa ngalokho okuyiyo ukuze angazisola ngokuziphatha komunye umuntu. Mkhumbuze ukuthi ukuxhashazwa akusho ukuthi kukhona okungalungile kuye noma ukuthi angeke abe ngumdlali omuhle. Esikhundleni salokho, ukuxhashazwa kuyisinqumo esenziwe yi-bully.
Asikwazi ukudlula ukubaluleka kwalokhu. Uma ingane yakho ihlukumezekile, kungase kudingeke umtshele ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuthi akulungile. Ingane efundiswe ukuhlonipha igunya ingase ibe nesikhathi esinzima kakhulu ukubhekana nokuba nomuntu omdala emiphakathini yabo abangenayo intshisekelo yabo enhliziyweni. Kungase kube nokulimaza ngokomzwelo ngenye indlela, njengoba izingane ezitholwa kumuntu omdala ohlukumezayo zifunda ukuthi umhlaba awuyona indawo ephephile, ngisho nalabo abahlonishwayo.
Thatha isikhathi sokufundisa ingane yakho umehluko phakathi kokuxhashazwa nokuxabana okuvamile .
Kubalulekile Ukuqaphela Ukuxhashazwa Abazali
Kubalulekile ukuthi abazali bahlale bevulekile ukubona ukuxhashazwa kumqeqeshi wengane noma othisha babo. Abazali bangabameli bezingane, futhi ngaphandle kwalokho, basala bedwa ukuze bazivikele ephasini lapho banesisindo esincane.
Njengomzali, thatha isikhathi sokufunda ngezindlela ezimangalisayo abazali abazi ngazo ngokuxhashazwa .
Uma Ingane Yakho Ixhashaziwe
Uma ingane yakho ihlukumezwe umqeqeshi, ungase unqikaze ukwenza noma yini. Ungase ukhathazeke ngokuthi ukwenza okuthile wenze impilo yakho ibe nzima kakhudlwana ingane yakho. Noma kunjalo ingane yakho incike ekutheni umele lokho okulungile. Uma ukhathazekile, zama ukuthola abanye abathintekayo nabo. Ngisho noma uwedwa kukhona izinketho. Cabanga ukufaka isikhalazo kubahleli bezemidlalo noma abaqondisi. Ngisho noma ngabe ingane yakho ishiye imidlalo (ngezizathu ezisobala) khumbula ukuthi ukufaka isikhalazo kungavimbela enye ingane ukuba ingadlwenguliwe ngumqeqeshi.
Ukwengeza, gcina isimo ngombono kodwa uthathe izinyathelo zokuvikela ukuzethemba komntwana wakho (ukuvimbela ukuxhaphazwa) kanye nempilo.
Ochwepheshe bezeMpilo
Siyazi ukuthi ukuvakashelwa okuyinhloko okuyinhloko akuhlangene nezezimpawu ezinikezwe i-receptionist, futhi kuyithuba elihle lokufunda ngokucindezeleka kwengqondo empilweni yengane. Ngokwesinye isifundo esibheke indima yabasebenzi abajwayelekile ekuhloleni umsebenzi wokuxhaphaza, intsha iyayamukela ukuthi imindeni yabo ithole odokotela ukuba bahlanganyele njengommeli wabo ekuhlukumezeni. Kubazali, lokhu kusho ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi ingane ingayamukela ithuba lokukhuluma nodokotela wabo womndeni, nokwenza i-aphoyintimenti neGP yabo ingasiza uma bengenqikazi ukukhuluma ekhaya.
Ngezansi Uma iNdodana noma Indodakazi Yakho Ixhashazwa Ngomqeqeshi
Kubalulekile ukuthi umzali agcine amehlo akhe evulekile ukuhlukunyezwa ngabaqeqeshi bamadodana namadodakazi abo. Kwezinye izimo, kungaba nzima ukubandlulula phakathi komqeqeshi onzima (onezintshisekelo zomntanakho engqondweni) nomqeqeshi wokuhlukumeza. Ngokudabukisayo, abaqeqeshi be-bullying bavame kakhulu, futhi ngaphandle kwamehlo avulekile, kungabanjwa kalula.
Qinisekisa ukuthi uyazi izibonakaliso zokuxhashazwa ngabashayeli nabanye abantu abadala. Fundisa ingane yakho ukuqaphela lezi futhi. Okubaluleke kakhulu, lalela ingane yakho uma ekhononda ngomqeqeshi, ngisho noma ucabanga ukuthi kuyinto nje yomdlalo. Empeleni kunzima kakhulu ukuthi izingane zikhulise lezi zinkinga, futhi uma ingane yakho inayo, kuyinto yokubheka eduze.
Uma uhlonze umqeqeshi wokuhlukumeza, cabanga ngokukhetha kwakho ngokucophelela. Ungase unqikaze ukwenza amagagasi, kodwa uhlole ngokucophelela imiphumela yokuxazulula inkinga ehlobene nenkinga yakho yangempela yomndeni; ingane yakho ingase ilahlekelwe unomphela emdlalweni owake wakujabulela.
Yenza ucwaningo oluncane. Uma eminye imindeni inokukhathazeka okufanayo konke okungcono. Noma kunjalo, noma ngabe nguwe kuphela, ukumela ingane yakho ngeke nje umvumele ingane yakho ukuthi abazali bayo bayohamba bayoyilwela kodwa bangase bavikele ezinye izingane ukuba zihlukunyezwe ngendlela efanayo. Khumbula ukuthi ukuxhashazwa kwengqondo nokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kubi kakhulu njengokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba, futhi ngezinye izindlela kunzima kakhulu. Ukuvuthwa kanye namathambo aphukile aphulukisa, kodwa i-psyche yengane ingathatha iminyaka noma amashumi eminyaka ukwenza okufanayo. Njengombhalo wokugcina, thatha isikhashana ukufunda ngezindlela zokuvimbela ukuxhaphazwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.
> Imithombo:
> Kliegman, uRobert M., uBonita Stanton, uSt Geme III uJoseph W., uNine Felice. Schor, uRichard E. Behrman, noWaldo E. Nelson. UNelson Bookbook of Pediatrics. I-20th Edition. Philadelphia, PA: Elsevier, 2015. Phrinta.
> Inhlangano Kazwelonke Yezemidlalo Yentsha. Ingabe Umqeqeshi Wengane Yakho Uhlukumeza? http://www.nays.org/sklive/features/is-your-child-s-coach-a-bully/
> Scott, E., Dale, J., Russell, R., noDolke Wolke. Intsha Iyiphi Ukuxhashazwa-Ingabe Ifuna Ukujwayelekile Ukusekela? . I-BMC Family Practice . 2016. 17 (1): 11.