Kusukela esemncane, abafana banenkinga enkulu yokuzivumelanisa nokulindele kwabanye ukuthi bangabe kanjani nokuthi bangabenza kanjani. Lokhu ngokuvamile kusho ukungabonisi okuningi kwemzwelo. Noma kunjalo, ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi izingane zabafana zisebenza ngendlela engokomzwelo kunabantwana amantombazane. Kodwa ngesikhathi abafana beneminyaka emihlanu ubudala, ngokuvamile bafunde ukucindezela cishe yonke imizwelo ngaphandle kolaka.
Okukhulu kwalokhu kungenxa yokuthi umphakathi uhlonipha abesilisa abanobudlova, abanobukhulu obukhuni kanye nabokuzithiba. Kodwa uma abafana bengavumelani nalokhu "ikhodi yesikhungu" futhi esikhundleni salokho babonise uhlangothi lwabo olubucayi ngokuba ngobumnene, nomusa noma uzwela, ngokuvamile baxoshwa futhi bahlaziswa. Leli qiniso liphinde lenze ukuba kube lula ukubhekwa ngabangqingili . Kodwa kuthiwani uma abazali beqala ukugcizelela ikhodi yomfana futhi esikhundleni salokho bavumela abafana babo ukuba baqiniseke ngokwengeziwe ngemizwelo yabo? Ingabe ingathinta ukuxhaphazwa ?
Ikhodi Yomfana
Igama elithi "ikhodi yesikhungu" lithandwa ngumqondo wezokwelapha kanye nomlobi uWilliam Pollack. Wachaza ukuthi abafana bahlelwe kanjani ngumphakathi, abazali, kanye nabanye abangenakubalwa ukuphika imizwa yabo nokwenza izinto ezinzima. Ngokuvamile, ikhodi yomfana iyisethi yokuziphatha kanye nemithetho yokuziphatha umphakathi owela kubafana.
Incwadi kaPollack, i- Real Boys: Ukukhulula Abafana Bethu kwi-Myths of Boyhood , ichaza ikhodi yomfana njengesethi yezidingo kubafana.
Ithi kufanele ibe yizimele, i-macho, i-athletic, inamandla, inamandla futhi yesabe noma yikuphi owesifazane. Uma bengabonisi lezi zici, khona-ke ziyi-wimpy. Futhi kubonakala sengathi iningi lomphakathi lithenga kulo mlayezo.
Kusukela lapho bebancane, abafana bayatshelwa ukuthi yini eyamukelekayo nalokho okungamukeleki ukuba bakwenze, ukusho nokuzizwa.
Ngokwesibonelo, bavame ukuzwa imishwana efana nokuthi "ungabi yi-wimp," "ungakhali," "wenze njengendoda," "ungabi umfana womama," neminye imisho eminingi. Okubaluleke kakhulu, bayatshelwa ukuthi "ningafani nentombazane," noma "yinto yokudlala yezingane," noma "amantombazane kuphela agqoka pink." Akukona nje ukuthi lezi zimo zibacindezela odongeni imizwa yabo, kodwa futhi ngokungaqondile zikhuluma ukuthi noma yini amantombazane ayenzayo embi noma engaphansi futhi akuyona into okufanele iyenze. Abaningi bakholelwa lokhu lapho ukuhlukumezeka okungalungile kocansi kugxila khona.
Ukwenza izinto zibe zibi nakakhulu, uPollack uthi abafana baphoqelelwa ukuba bangene esikoleni abangazange baqaphele izitayela zabo zokufunda. Empeleni, abantu abaningi abaqapheli ukuthi abafana bafunda futhi baziphathe ngokuhlukile kunamantombazane. Isibonelo, lapho abafana beziphatha ngendlela ezithintekayo noma abanobudlova, abantu abaqapheli ukuthi lena indlela engokwemvelo yokuthi abafana bahlanganyele.
Esikhundleni salokho, abafana baqeqeshwe ngaphandle kwemikhuba yabo yemvelo futhi baphoqeleka ukuba balandele ikhodi yomfana. Bafundiswa ukuba bangalandeli imfundiso yabo, hhayi ukuzwa imizwelo futhi bangahlakuleli amakhono abo okukhulumisana noma okuzenhlalo ngoba ukwenza kanjalo kuzobenza babe besifazane.
Ngenxa yalokho, ezinye izishoshovu zizama ukushintsha indlela umphakathi obheka ngayo nokuphatha abafana.
Kodwa abanye bakhathazeka ngokuthi ukunyakaza ukunika amandla abafana nokubhekana nezidingo zabo kuyoba nomthelela omubi ekunyakeni ukunika amandla amantombazane. Abasekeli bezinhlangano bathi ukuphikisana kuzokwenzeka. Bakholelwa ukuthi ukukhuthazwa kwamantombazane ngeke kufinyeleleke amandla abo kuze kube yilapho abafana bexhaswa futhi bakhuthazwa ukuba bafinyelele amandla abo.
Indlela Ikhodi Yomfana Ethinta Ngayo Abafana
Uma abafana befundiswa ukuba bangazizwa imizwelo yabo noma bangalokothi bafundiswe ukuthi bangabelana kanjani, konke okushiywe kuyintukuthelo nomqondo wokunqamula. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umfana uzovala kancane kancane umhlaba wakhe wangaphakathi nemizwelo yakhe ngenhloso yokwenza lokho okulindeleke kuye.
Futhi imiphumela iyaphazamisa.
Kunezifundo eziningi ezibonisa ukuthi abafana bavame ukuzizwa bengenakuqiniseka, banesifiso esincane futhi bazizwa bengaphansi kwemimoya yabo kanye nezikole zabo kunamantombazane. Ochwepheshe bokuziphatha komfana bakholelwa ukuthi konke lokhu kwenzeka ngoba abafana baphoqeleka ukuba balandele ikhodi yomfana. Lokhu kucindezela ukuthi kube njalo okuqinile ukuthi abafana bafunda ukududuza imizwa yabo futhi ekugcineni, balahlekelwa ithuba lokuthuthukisa ukuhlakanipha kwengqondo noma ukuzwelana .
Ngaphezu kwalokho, abafana abavunyelwe ukuveza imizwelo eminingi abantombazane abakhulume ngayo futhi inxanxathela ukuba isondelane kakhulu nabangane babo besilisa. Ukwesaba ukuthi bazobizwa ngokuthi babuthakathaka, besifazane noma abasengozini. Le mikhawulo yabafana ingadala amadoda amancane ahlukumeze kuphela ukuveza imizwelo yabo futhi abangabi nabangane abasondelene nabo kodwa futhi balwe nokulwa nokuzibulala. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukubhekana nokungakwazi ukuveza imizwelo ebuhlungu futhi ehlazo, abafana bavame ukuphuza utshwala, ezemidlalo, ukudla, ukucindezelwa ngokocansi ngisho nokuhlukunyezwa nokudlwengula .
Ukuhlangana phakathi kweCode Boy and Bullying
Ngenxa yokuthi abafana kulindeleke ukuba babe nokulawula futhi abangenakuvuswa, uma behluleka ukuhlangabezana nalesi simiso, bazizwa benamahloni. Izikhathi eziningi, lehlazo liphenduka ukuthukuthela, intukuthelo ngisho nokuzonda. Lokhu kuyinhlanganisela enobuthi yemizwa engabangela ubudlova esikoleni nokuxhashazwa.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ingcindezi yokuqina njalo ibafundise ukuphika imizwa yabo. Ekugcineni, azikhulisi ngokugcwele ukuhlakanipha kwabo ngokomzwelo futhi angathuthukisi amakhono abo okuzwela, okuyizinto ezibalulekile ekuvimbeleni ukuxhaphazwa . Uma abafana bengenakho ukuqonda ngokomzwelo noma ukuzwela, bazimisele ukuhlukunyezwa abanye ngoba abakwazi ukubuka isimo sengqondo yomunye umuntu.
Futhi, abafana bavame ukubhekisa abanye abancane, ababuthakathaka noma abasengozini kakhulu. Futhi abaningi bakholelwa ngenxa yekhodi yomfana efakwe kuwo, bazizwa benesizathu sokwenza kanjalo. Eqinisweni, bavame ukufaka isisulu- bebeka icala , bekholelwa "uma engenzi ngendlela efana nokuthi angeke ahlukunyezwe."
Indlela Yokubeka Ikhodi Yomfana Ngaphandle Futhi Uvuse Umfana Ohlakaniphile Emotionally
Akekho ofuna ukukhulisa umhlukumezi . Kodwa ucwaningo lubonakala ukuthi uma abazali behambisana nekhodi yomfana, kungenzeka ukuthi benze kanjalo. Akunakuphika ukuthi akulula ukukhulisa umfana onomusa , ocabangekile, ogcwele kahle ezweni lanamuhla. Umphakathi usethe izindinganiso zokuziphatha komfana ezingahambisani nomfana ongase ucabange ukukhulisa. Nazi amathiphu amane okubeka indlela yokubeka ikhodi yomfana eceleni futhi aphakamise umfana owaziyo futhi ohloniphayo.
- Qinisekisa imizwelo yendodana yakho, ngisho nezingahle . Ukuvumela abafana bazi ukuthi imizwelo iyinto evamile futhi akuyona into okufanele isatshwe ihamba phambili ekuthuthukiseni ukuqwashisa nokuhlakanipha kwengqondo. Mkhumbuze ukuthi abantu abaphumelelayo bayakwazi ukuveza imizwa, babonise ukuzwelana kwabanye, babambisane futhi baxazulule izinkinga ngokuthula . Fundisa indodana yakho indlela yokuqonda imizwelo yakhe futhi ibhekane nayo ngendlela enempilo.
- Bonisa ububele othandweni lwakhe lwethenda . Ngokuphambene nenkolelo evamile, ukuvumela indodana yakho ukuba yamukele uhlangothi lwakhe olubucayi alumenze abe buthakathaka. Esikhundleni salokho, kuholela ekuzihloneni okuphakeme nokwamukela ngokwengeziwe. Mvumela ukuba azizwe edabukile, futhi aze akhale, uma efuna. Ungalokothi umphoqe ukuba aphike imizwa yakhe yangempela. Ngokwenza kanjalo, uzothola amandla angaphakathi kunokuba abe namandla angaphandle.
- Yamukela ukuthi abafana banezinga eliphezulu lomsebenzi . Nikeza indodana yakho indawo ephephile ukuze inqamule isivinini esithile. Nakuba abazali abaningi bamukela ukufana kwabafana, kukhona abanye abangawuthandi. Uma ungumzali onokubekezelelana okuphansi kwamandla omfana, zenzele ukuze uthole izindlela ukuze asebenze. Khumbula, uma indodana yakho ingenayo indlela enempilo yokukhulula amandla akhe we-pent-up , izothola ezinye izindlela ukuthi ziphume. Kungcono kakhulu ukunikeza indodana yakho izindlela ezingcono.
- Gwema ukwenza izinkolelo zokulwa nobulili . Ngamanye amazwi, ungasebenzisi imishwana ejwayelekile etholakala kumakhodi omfana afana nokuthi "ungabi umntwana onjalo," noma "funda ukuthatha ihlaya." Futhi ungamhlekisi indodana yakho ngokukhala, ukuveza imizwa noma ukufuna ukuba nomama. Zonke lezi zinto ziyingxenye ebalulekile yomfana othuthukayo. Akufanele nanini ahlekwa usulu ngokuba yiqiniso.