Ukukhetha (noma Ukufunda Ukwamukela) Isimo Sakho
Ukuphila okungenasisindo emva kokubeletha kuyindlela yokukhetha amadoda nabesifazane abathile, kanti abanye kumele bazamukele. Njengamanje, ungabona ukuthi ingane engenasisindlini ehlala "njengesimo esibi kunazo zonke." Kodwa kungaba yisisombululo esinamandla esimweni esicindezelayo ngokomzwelo .
Kusho ukuthini ukuhlala ngaphandle kwezingane emva kokungabikho? Umuntu ufika kanjani kulesi sinqumo? Ingabe ukhetha ukuphila okungenakho ingane emva kokungabi namuntu "ukuyeka"?
Yini igama elifanele lesi simo?
Kukhona ukungavumelani kulokho okuzobiza impilo ngaphandle kwezingane ngemuva kokungabikho. Ingabe awunabantwana noma awunabantwana? Ingabe ungeyena ingane ngokuzikhethela noma ungenaye ingane ngaphandle kokuzikhethela? (Ukungafaki ingane ngokukhetha kuyifinyeziwe njengeCFNBC kumasimu enethiwekhi.)
Abanye bacabanga ukuthi igama elithi childfree alibonakali ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo obubangele kule nkinga yokuphila. Abaphikisayo, bathi, kulabo abakhetha empeleni ukuthi bangenazo izingane kusukela ekuqaleni . Izingane ezingenabantwana yilizwi kulabo abafuna izingane kodwa bebengakwazi.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye banomuzwa wokuthi igama elingenamntwana libi kakhulu, ukuthi alibonakali ngokwanele ukuphila okujabulisayo abakhona njengamanje, ngisho noma behlala ngaphandle kwezingane kwakungewona uhlelo lwabo A.
Ungabiza noma yini oyifunayo; ayikho impendulo efanele noma engalungile.
Kusho ukuthini Ukukhetha (noma Ukwamukela) Ukuphila Kwengane Ngemva kokungahambi?
Uma othile ethi angabantwana abangenayo ingane ngemuva kokungabi nabantwana, ngokuvamile baqonde ukuthi
- Ungabi nabantwana ngaphambi kokuba bahlangane no-infertility
- Akusekho ukuphishekela noma yiziphi izindlela zokwelapha
- Awuhlezi ukuzitholela noma abe ngumzali okhulayo
- Ngeke uqhubeke nokuzama ukukhulelwa ngokwemvelo
Kukhona ukuphikisana okunye kulokhu okugcina, njengoba imibhangqwana eminye izothatha isinqumo "sokungazami kodwa hhayi ukuvimbela." Ngamanye amazwi, ayifuni ukulandela imithi yokwelapha, futhi ayilandeli ngokulandela imijikelezo yabo futhi ezama ukhulelwe.
Kodwa futhi abasebenzisi noma yiluphi uhlobo lokulawulwa kokuzalwa . (Lokhu kuthatha ukuthi akuzona, empeleni, abayinyumba futhi abakwazi ukukhulelwa ngaphandle kokwelashwa.)
Enye yezinselele ezinkulu kule ndlela ayikuvumeli ukucubungula ukulila ukuqala nokuphela. Ungase uzithole ucabanga ngokukhulelwa, futhi uzizwa udangele uma isikhathi sakho sifika njalo ngenyanga, ngisho noma ungazama "ngenkuthalo".
Ukungavimbela-ukuvimbela kungaba yisiteji sokuguqula imibhangqwana eshukuthela esinqumweni sokungabi nabantwana ngemuva kokungabikho. Abanye bangase bahlale kuleli qembu kuze kube phakade.
Uma ucabangela ukungazami kodwa ungaqambi, qaphela ukuthi ngabe uneza yini ukucindezeleka empilweni yakho noma kukuvimbela ukuthi ungaqhubeki. Ngenkathi kungase kuzwakale kungaqondakali ukuqhubeka nokulawulwa kokubeletha ngemuva kokungaboni, kungakhululeka futhi kukunikeze isikhala nokuvalwa.
Isiqunto Sokuthi Sizokwamukela
Ukukhetha ukuphila okungenakho ingane emva kokungabi namuntu kusho ukungafuni ukulandela ingane. Kwabanye, lokhu akuyona inketho; kuyiqiniso. Ukwamukelwa kungabiza, kunenqubo yokugunyazwa, futhi akuyona inketho enhle kubantu bonke.
Kwabanye, ukungamukeli kuyisinqumo. Banayo imali futhi mhlawumbe bangathola imvume, kodwa banqume ukuthi ukutholwa akukona kubo.
Kukhona futhi iqembu lesithathu: imibhangqwana ezama ukwamukela futhi ayiphumeli, noma inquma isikhathi esithile kwinqubo yokuyeka ukuyiphishekela.
Ukwamukelwa kungaba yinto enzima kakhulu njengoba ukwelashwa kokuzala , njengoba ukutholwa okungenzeka kungase kuwele. Kuyinto engavamile kubazali abazoba khona ukuthola ithemba lokuthi ingane iyatholakala, ilungiselele lowo mntwana, futhi ekugcineni, ukutholwa akukwenzeka noma akunakwenzeka.
"Kungani ungaphenduli nje?" Inkulumo eminingi imibhangqwana enezinkinga ezizwayo . Labo abangenabantwana emva kokubeletha bangase bakuzwe njengokuthi, "Kungani ungazange uvele nje?"
Kukhona neze okungeyona into engalungile ngokunquma ukungamukeli.
Ukwamukelwa akuyona isinyathelo esilandelayo ngokulandela ukuhlolwa kwesifo sokugula noma ukuhluleka kokuzala. Ukwamukelwa akuyona "uhlelo lokuvuselela" lokuba nezingane. Ukwelapha ukutholwa kwezingane njengendlela yokuvuselela kuyinto enganandaba nezingane ezamukelwe. (Ingabe sisho ukuthi bangabantwana abazikhethela okwesibili? Yebo cha.)
Ukubuza abantu ukuthi kungani "bengakamukeli" futhi kunganaki izinselelo eziyingqayizivele nemivuzo yokukhulisa abazali. Izingane eziningi ezamukelwayo zithola ukuhlukunyezwa empilweni yabo yokuqala noma zibhekene nezinkinga zokunamathisela noma zokushiya. Abanye bazalwa banomlutha wezidakamizwa, bazalwa ngaphambi kwesikhathi, noma banenkinga yokufunda noma yokufunda. Izingane zingakwazi ukunqoba lezi zinselelo, kodwa umzali othasayo kufanele alungiselele ukusiza ingane ngayo. Akuwona wonke umuntu ofuna noma okwazi ukuhlinzeka ngaleyo nsizakalo.
Kuyinto evumelekile ukuba ungafuni ukwamukela ngoba ufuna ukuba nezingane kuphela uma zihambisana nofuzo noma umlingani wakho, noma uma uthwala ukukhulelwa. Akukho lutho lobugovu mayelana nesifiso.
Ngezansi: akekho okufanele abe nomuzwa wokuthi "kufanele" amukele uma bengakwazi ukucabanga ngokwemvelo noma ngezokwelashwa. Ukwamukelwa yisinqumo saso.
Ngabe Kunini Isinqumo Ukuhlala I-Childfree Occur?
Ngabe ukuzalwa kwengane emva kokubeletha kuyinto engokoqobo? Kuhlukile kuwo wonke umuntu.
Abanye bangase bafinyelele isinqumo emva kweminyaka eminingi yokwelashwa kokuzala okuhlulekile. Bangase banqume ukuthi bangabi mahhala ngemva komjikelezo wabo we-IVF noma wesithupha.
Abanye bangenza isinqumo ngaphambi kokuba baqale ukuzama ukukhulelwa. Ngenkathi iningi lamadoda nabesifazane bethola ukuthi abanamandla kuphela ngemva kokuba baqale ukuzama ukuba nomndeni, abanye bathola ukuthi banezinkinga zokuzala ngaphambi kokuba sebekulungele ukuqala umndeni. Bangase benze isinqumo sokungabi nabantwana ngaleso sikhathi.
Iyini iphuzu lakho "elanele"? Lezi akuzona izinto ezilula ukucabanga ngazo, kodwa wonke umbhangqwana obhekana nokungazali kufanele azibheke-ngisho nangaphambi kokuqala ukwelashwa. Ngisho noma kamuva, bashintsha izingqondo zabo mayelana nephuzu "lokuphela".
Uthola kanjani iphuzu lakho "elanele"?
Futhi, lesi yisinqumo somuntu siqu oyokwenza. Azikho izimpendulo ezilungile noma ezingalungile.
Nanka amanye "umugqa esihlabathini" izibonelo:
Ukuqeda umkhawulo wesikhathi esinqunyiwe
Unganquma ukuthi uzimisele ukuzama ukukhulelwa isikhathi esithile sesikhathi, futhi uma leso sikhathi siphelile, uzoyeka ukuzama. Unganquma ukuthi iminyaka emibili yanele; ungase unqume iminyaka eyishumi ngokwanele.
Ukufinyelela eminyakeni ethile
Leyo minyaka ingaba yi-28, 30, 35, noma engu-48.
Ukufinyelela umkhawulo othile wokujikeleza
Unganquma ukuthi uzimisele ukuzama imijikelezo emine ye-IUI . Noma imijikelezo emithathu ye-IVF . Ngezinye izikhathi, le migqa yokujikeleza yenziwa udokotela wakho, kodwa futhi kungenzeka ukuthi udinga ukunquma ukuthi uzoyeka nini ukuzama.
Isinqumo sokungaqhubeki (noma noma yikuphi) ukwelapha okuzala
Unganquma ukuthi awuzimisele ukuzama noma iyiphi imithi yokwelapha . Noma, ungase unqume ukuthi awufuni ukuphishekela ukwelashwa okuqondile.
Isinqumo sokungazami ukwelapha ngezindlela eziphansi zokuphumelela
Yiziphi izingqinamba eziphansi? Lokho kuyingxenye yakho kuwe nomlingani wakho. Abanye odokotela ngeke babekeze noma benze ukwelashwa kokuzala uma izinkinga ziphansi kakhulu, kodwa ezinye zizokuvumela ukuba uzame. Kungadingeka wenze ucingo lokugcina.
Ukuphikisana nokuziphatha noma kwefilosofi ekwenzeni ukwakhiwa komndeni
Insemination , i- IVF , ukutholwa kwezingane, ukwelashwa ngokweqile , nokusebenzisa amaqanda e-donor, i-sperm, noma imibungu-konke lokhu kungaba izindlela zokuphikisana nomndeni. Uma ungazizwa ukhululekile ngezokwelapha eziphakanyisiwe zesimo sakho, ungenza isinqumo sokuhlala ungenaye ingane.
Ukufinyelela esimweni esithile sezezimali
Abanye imibhangqwana baphoqeleka ukuba bayeke ukuxoshwa noma ukutholwa ngoba sebefinyelele emkhawulweni wabo wesikweletu . Abanye bakhetha ukungaqhubeki nanoma yikuphi ukwelashwa okuzobafaka esikhwameni . Futhi-ke, kukhona labo abazitholela endaweni ethile phakathi. Bangazi ukuthi bangena esikweletini esingaphezulu kodwa bakhethe ukungena.
Awukho "isibopho" sokungena esikweletini ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isinqumo sokungabantwana. Awudingi ukuzama ukuboleka imali kubangani nomndeni , noma. Lezi yizinketho, kodwa kuyamukeleka ukuthi ungasho ukuthi cha kubo.
Ukufinyelela umkhawulo wakho womzwelo
Ukungazi lutho kungaba yinkimbinkimbi ngokomzwelo . Ungase wazi ukuthi awukwazi ukubekezelela umjikelezo owodwa, inyanga eyodwa, noma unyaka owodwa wokuzama ukukhulelwa. Ngethemba, uyaqaphela ukuthi usondelene nephuzu lakho lokuphulwa ngaphambi kokuthi ufike lapho.
Lokho kusho ukuthi iqiniso lemibhangqwana eminingi yiyo kuphela ekhetha ukungabi nabantwana ngemuva kokudlula umkhawulo wabo womzwelo.
Ingabe Ukukhetha Ukungabantwana Ukunikezela Noma Ukuhluleka?
Ukukhetha (noma okudingayo ukwamukela) impilo engenayo ingane ayishiyi noma iphele ekuhlulekeni.
" Kuthiwani uma ngizama umjikelezo owodwa nje? Kuthiwani uma inyanga ezayo bekuyobe yinyanga? "Lezi yizinkathazo ezivamile. Nokho, akulona iqiniso ukuthi uma uqhubeka uzama, ekugcineni uzothola umntwana. Azikho iziqinisekiso. Ayikho into efana namaphesenti angu-100 amathuba okukhulelwa noma uhambo lokungenisa izingane ngokungenangqondo.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, into ebaluleke kakhulu akuyona ukuthi unayo ingane. U-Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos, umbhali we- Silent Sorority , uyeluleka, "Kunzima nakancane ukubeka ukungena kwezokwelapha emasikweni ethi 'Ungalahli!', Sicela ungazinikeli noma uhlanzekile."
Ukuhamba phambili: Ukubhekana Nezinqumo Zakho
Ukukhetha noma ukhetha ukwamukela impilo engenasibindi kungaletha impumuzo nokuxazululwa emzabalazweni wakho wokungazalwa, kodwa futhi kungabangela imizwa yokudabuka ngisho nentukuthelo. Uma unesikweletu esivela ezindlini zokunakekelwa kokuzala , ukukhokhela leyo bhilikithi yenyanga kungenza kube nzima nakakhulu ukuhambisa ngokomzwelo.
Yazi lokhu: ekugcineni uzoqhubeka, futhi ekugcineni uzothola injabulo futhi. Kuzothatha isikhathi-nomzamo-kodwa izinto zizohamba ngcono. Nazi ezinye zezindlela zokubhekana nalesi sikhathi esinzima.
Zinike isikhathi sokulila
Uma othile elahlekelwa ngumzali, ingane, noma oshade naye, abantu bayaqonda ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi ukulila. Umphakathi uyaqonda ukuthi umuntu olahlekelwe othandekayo wakhe udinga ukwesekwa. Kodwa-ke, ukulahlekelwa okuvela ngokungazali ingane emva kokungaboni kahle akubonakali. Ulila-ulila ukuphila owawucabanga.
Yiba nesineke kuwe, futhi uzinike isikhathi sokuzizwa ungcono. Ngokwesinye isifundo, kuthatha phakathi kweminyaka emithathu nengane ukuba abesifazane abangenabantwana bakwazi ukucabanga ukuthi bazizwa ngokuthi "abangenasifo."
Funda mayelana nokuphila okungenayo ingane
Ukuphila ukuphila okungenasidingo akuyona into esiyibona njalo, ngakho-ke ingase izwe ingavamile. Kodwa-ke, akukho lutho olungavamile ngokuphila impilo yakho ngaphandle kokuba nezingane.
Ukufunda mayelana nokuphila okungenabantwana kungakusiza uzizwe ukhululekile ngale ndlela yokuphila, futhi kukusize uzizwe ungcini. Bheka amabhulogi, izincwadi nezinkumbulo ngokuphila okungenabantwana, ngisho nalabo abaye bakhetha le ndlela yokuphila futhi abazange bafike kuwo ngokungenasifo.
Bhala indaba yakho
Ungafundi nje ngokuphila okungenayo ingane-bhala ngakho. Tshela indaba yakho. Ungaqala ibhulogi , noma ubhale imemo. Indaba yakho ingaba yinduduzo nokusekela kulabo abanenkinga efanayo. Awudingi ukwenza indaba yakho ivulekele emphakathini, noma kunjalo. Ungabhala indaba yakho kumngane noma ochwepheshe.
Finyelela ukuthola ukwesekwa
Awudingi ukwenza lokhu wedwa. HLELA: I-National Infertility Association inezinhlangano zokusekela, futhi kwezinye izindawo, zinamaqembu kulabo abangenabantwana emva kokungakhulelwa. Thola eyodwa bese ujoyine. (Awunayo iqembu endaweni yakho? Cabanga ukuqala eyodwa! Xhumana QONDELA ukuthola ukuthi ungayithola kanjani.)
Eminye imithombo yokusekela engabonakala ihlanganisa:
- Amaforamu e- inthanethi kulabo abangenabantwana
- Uchwepheshe wezobuchwepheshe (kakhulu kunconywa!)
- Abangane namalungu omndeni (yebo, noma ngabe banezingane)
Thatha isikhathi sokuthuthukisa uhlelo B (noma C)
Ungalindi nje ukuze ubone ukuthi impilo yakho izohluka kanjani. Thatha isikhathi sokubona lokho okufunayo, manje ukuthi izingane ngeke zibe yingxenye yalo. Udokotela angakusiza ngokuthola indlela entsha yokuphila kwakho.
Funa amanye amathuba okukhulisa
Ungase ungakulungeli lokhu ngokushesha, kodwa ekugcineni, funa ezinye izindlela zokusakaza isifiso sakho sokondla. Mhlawumbe lokhu kusho ukuzitholela ezinye "izinwele zokubeletha." Izilwane ezifuywayo zingaba umthombo omkhulu wenduduzo nothando.
Uma unenhlanhla yokwanela noma umshana wakho oseduze, wamukele indima yakho njengenganekazi omangalisayo noma umalume. Ungase futhi ufune ukubheka amathuba okuvolontiya nezingane .
Vumela ukuba ujabule
Kuhle ngempela ukujabula. Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu bazizwa kungukungathembeki kokulahlekelwa kwabo ukuze bajabule ezinganeni emva kokungabikho. Benza (ngephutha) ukuthi ukujabulela ukuphila kwabo ngaphandle kwezingane kubonisa ukuthi abazange "bafune" njengoba benza. Ungakwazi futhi ukujabulela impilo yakho enganeni engenayo kanye nokulila impilo owake wacabanga. Zombili zingaba yiqiniso.
Izwi elivela ku-Verywell
Isinqumo sokungabantwana singokwakho sokwenza. Awunaso isibopho sokuzama yonke indlela engenzeka ngaphambi kokukhetha ukuphila okungenakho ingane. Ungazithola usesimweni sokuzikhethela, noma ungase uzizwe uphoqelelwe ukwamukela ukuphila okungenakho ingane.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uthola kanjani ingane, awukhokedi muntu incazelo . Uma wena nomlingani wakho (uma unayo) kukhona ngokuthula nesinqumo, kungcono. Ngesikhathi, ukusekelwa, kanye nokweluleka okwechwepheshe , uzophulukisa. Kukhona ukuphila okujabulisayo ngaphandle kwezingane.
U-Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos unalo lokhu okushoyo ngenqubo yokuphulukisa:
"Uzodinga ukulimala ngaphambi kokuba uphulukise. Ukuphulukiswa akuyona ehlukile. Kuzoba nezinsuku ezinhle nezinsuku ezimbi. Ukungenzi lutho akuyona into oyithola. Uyavumelana nalo. Izikhumbuzo zalokho okungenzeka ukuthi zizohlala zikhona, kodwa ubuhlungu buzohamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukuthula nenjabulo kuzokubuyela empilweni yakho. Manje unelungelo lobubele elizokusiza kahle impilo yakho yonke. Uzothola unamandla kunawe owacabanga ukuthi kungenzeka. Ukuguqulwa kwakho kuzohlinzeka izindlela zokuphila okusha. Sebenzisa ithuba lokusebenzisa konke okufundile. "
> Imithombo:
> Rosner, Marni, "Ukubuyiswa Okuvela Ekulahlekelweni Okubuhlungu: Ukufunda Kwabesifazane Abaphila Ngaphandle Kwezingane Ngemva Kokungabi Naso" (2012). I-Doctorate ku-Social Work (DSW) Ukuthunyelwa. Ikhasi 20.
> Izingxoxo ze-imeyili no-Brooke K, Brenda B, Cathy B, Different Shores, Elaine, Kallie S, Kate, Kinsey W, Klara, Lesley Pyne, uLinda R, Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos, Sarah Chamberlin.